Quote: It's difficult to believe all of the things you two for each other, doesn't enrich the R.
All the things I do/am/bring definitely enrich the R-- it's just that this doesn't translate into physical desire for him.
Quote: Hypothetically, Are you saying if you quit the R cold-turkey, your bf would not try to reclaim/rebuild the R?
He would ABSOLUTELY try to keep me, reclaim the R, rebuild, etc., but again that would not translate into sexual activity. Being an Acts of Service guy, he would start DOING more things... baking me stuff, buying me stuff, fixing stuff.
(Sorry for the hijack, Mojo.) I had a major temper tantrum in the C's office on the second visit where I went with bf. I said that I think of bailing every day, that the lack of sex is making me crazy, that I'm starving to death emotionally and physically, etc. I was actually screaming and cursing-- the people in the waiting room probably heard me-- but I didn't give a rat's a$$. The C totally validated me and bf really took notice. He saw that he was very close to losing me. (But was he really? I'm such a glutton for punishment.) Since then, he's been much nicer, not so angry, doesn't fly off the handle, much kinder, more thoughtful... but no sexual vibes. And in all honesty, I could initiate something, but I have no desire either, not even for mb. I have brought this up in the C sessions a couple of times, but it's just so much work to keep doing it over and over again. And bf is always dealing with some kind of financial, family, emotional, health crisis-- so it never seems to be my turn. I brought out the sexual abuse in bf's history at the C-- after over a year, bf had never mentioned it. BF goes in on the weeks when he goes by himself and paints a rosy picture. Last time we went together, bf told C that he and I "are getting reacquainted." C was so happy that we're doing so well. Geez. I guess bf was referring to a bj that I gave him-- nothing for me. (First sexual contact since January) I'm just coasting, wearing out, keeping anxiety at bay while I watch bf sliding into depression, sad over girls leaving home, his office is not calling him with sales leads anymore, he never opens his mail, so has bounced checks and stuff...One day last week, he slept until 10 am-- I left for work and school. When I came home about 6 pm. he was still there in his shorts-- he had MISSED the therapist appointment. This is a standing appointment he has had every Wednesday for about 14 months. "Oh? Is it Wednesday? I guess I forgot." ... same old same old.. just no alcohol. I truly don't know what I'm going to do. I guess I'll just wait until I know. End of hijack.
