My experience has been somewhat different, Jenny. I am finding that as I give more validation ( through WOA), my H becomes increasingly loving. We used to be in a validation standoff--neither one of us validating the other--and I believe this affected him a lot. I have come to realize that he is such an AOS guy ( in your theory speak, he needs to put value in) and has such a deep need to be recognized for what he does, that not validating him shuts him off. In the past I would feel guilty about all the AOS, and instead of validating, I would match his AOS. We ran an efficient household, but one with a lot of underlying resentment.
What I have done is cut back on my AOS and increased the validation giving, with very positive results. I let him knock himself out and then make an effort to heap on the praise...I have learned to sit back and enjoy his way of giving, and I am trying to give backin a way that he appreciates. ( I am not sure why this is so hard for me...my instinct is to do my own AOS rather than validate). Anyway, it's creating a more loving atmosphere, which leads to affection which leads to sex. Well, that's the thought process, anyway!
So for me, it's decreasing value and increasing validation giving. I think it's always a good idea to be self validating...guess it bothers me on some level that H is so validating-seeking( which is why I probably hold back), but what I've realized is sometimes you need what you need.
