OK, now you’re making sense to me. Without the “ask for” provision, I do not see what incentive there is for my wife to respond. I have personally experienced her ability to go months without sex and not blink an eye. She just masturbates, mechanically gets off and goes on. She talks of it as more a hindrance than anything else. So in my case, if I don’t push, or ask for something, it just won’t happen.
Without the “ask for” provision, your idea makes sense from a woman’s POV. In most relationships the man is the pursuer and the woman the avoider. So becoming “high-value low-maintenance” would be attractive in the man’s eyes. I can see that. But this also assumes he has a sex drive, but it is only in remission because of what he sees to be an intimidating environment. Warm up the environment and his drive will naturally re-emerge. Right?
But in my case, I am the pursuer, she the avoider. Making myself “high-value low-maintenance” does not help because she is not HD to begin with. Sex is just not on her agenda. She has sex with me only because she knows it is her part of the give and take obligation. She does so in response to the fact that I have “asked for” the sex and impressed upon her that there will be consequences if she does not comply. I prevent the build up of resentment in her by doing my part of duties around the house, being nice, trying not to argue, etc. My actions create a certain sense of guilt and obligation in her. So I think she has sex as much to relieve her guilt (i.e., to help herself) as she does to make me happy. In fact, I do not think making me happy enters her mind at all. Her focus is on her.
So if I did not ask for the sex, she would be happy to relieve her guilt and sense of obligation in some other non-sexual way. Her drive is just not powerful enough to overcome her fear of intimacy. Men are conditioned to stuff their fear of intimacy as a precondition to enduring the rejection that comes along with initiating. So you see, if women didn’t reject us as much, we would not have evolved to be so emotionally detached. Yep, just what I thought, you women did this to us!
