Quote: Add value without seeking validation in return Give validation without expecting some in return
In other words become high-value low-maintenance and your partner will be crazy about you!
Not quite. In some ways making yourself low-maintenance is the equivalent of making yourself easily taken for granted. Perhaps, I should add a third component to my formula so that it would go: Add value, Reduce validation given and asked for, Ask for more value (But I would suggest that you don't start out by asking for more value in an area in which your spouse suspects you of seeking validation even if you don't feel like that is what you are doing. So think of something you would like more of in your relationship besides sex and ask for that.) So if you wanted to increase your H's desire you might start cooking all his favorite dishes, stop asking him for compliments on your wardrobe and start asking him to fix some things around the house. The quality of your relationship will ratchet upward as you both get more of some things you want from the relationship. Also, human nature is just plain perverse, the fact of the matter is if you start acting like you are seeking validation through acts of service or expensive gifts or mushy romantic gestures than you make it easier for your spouse to seek value from you sexually. Guess what else? You might even find out that you like all that other stuff more than you thought.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
