This is interesting and parallel I think to the Passion Trap argument. Assuming the HD is the same as the one-down (the one-down being the partner who is more keen to have the R continue).
The one-up is contributing higher value in the eyes of the one-down. Either by being more attractive or by being more "together" or more exciting or whatever. The one-down is seeking validation and is wasting energy worrying too much about the R which could be usefully put to effect adding value.
Add value without seeking validation in return Give validation without expecting some in return
In other words become high-value low-maintenance and your partner will be crazy about you!
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
