I'm so sorry I haven't posted on your thread for so long. I check mine every few days but that's been about it. I read everything. I do think that ff was being harsh, but I must say that in reading recent developments and your thoughts and feelings I'm starting to agree with some of the things ff wrote. I'm sorry to say it. FF maybe didn't write it in the best way, but white - I've been here with you for over a year now. I came here on eve of the seperation from my now xh. Now, almost 18 months later I'm done, over it, moved on ready to literally buy another house, etc. Do I sometimes miss XH, yes. Do I sometimes want him back, yes. I think anyone who has ever been in any type of long term relationship - romantic, work, etc has those thoughts. But we know that was the past and we have to move on in life. Make new beginings, make a new life.
I'm really honestly truly worrying about you. The cycles you go through, the length at which you cannot detach. It is not healthy. I understand that I've only "heard" your side of the story, but why why why would you hang on and continue to pursue the man that caused so much pain, hurt, suffering to you? It seems that he was at least emotionally and mentally on the edge of abuse and here you are, more than 2 years after you two broke up after several years of dating and you continue to write about loving him and wanting him back and not moving on.
White, I am so sorry if this comes off as harsh, but I am really worried about you and I'm not sure how else to write it. If you were a relative of mine or a friend or co-worker I knew face to face I would suggest talking to a professional. This isn't healthy and it's concerning.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
I post to you very seldom, so will not make any suggestions to you. However, I want to comment on something that TMW said above:
Quote: I came here on eve of the seperation from my now xh. Now, almost 18 months later I'm done, over it, moved on ready to literally buy another house, etc. Do I sometimes miss XH, yes. Do I sometimes want him back, yes. I think anyone who has ever been in any type of long term relationship - romantic, work, etc has those thoughts. But we know that was the past and we have to move on in life. Make new beginings, make a new life.
I wonder if this is easier to do when there is a real "break," like a divorce. I have been separated for 15 months and it is getting easier, but I'm not over it. You (WL) were never married, so you also don't have the "benefit"--if I can call it that--of a real ending to your R. I think that makes it more difficult to let go. There's something missing, some kind of letting-go ritual that hasn't occurred.
Actually, a small suggestion: WL, could you devise your own ritual, perhaps? Go to a retreat to mourn, or get some friends together and maybe burn any mementoes you no longer want?
Take care, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
oh no here comes the voodoo doll. i am just kidding around before anyone starts breathing down my neck.how about living your life as you have been in mourning for years now that would be a really good thing.without any sarcasm or rude remarks i will ask you one serious question. do you honestly in your heart believe that you and your exboyfriend will be reconcilled one day or is it that you just hold out for hope?
I really don't want to agree with Barbiedoll. But sorry, I think I've got to.
I'm not saying that the two of you will not someday be together again...but you've got to let that go...shrug it away...something that may or may not happen and either way you will have a great life.
As for a ritual to hld accept an ending. Barbiedoll slipped that one in too...perhaps it was buried.
But it needs emphasis.
You need to move. Posters are suggesting you stop contacting him...but even without deliberate contact there is contact...you live in the same building. I'm sorry, but I just don't think you will be able to let go until you remove yourself from his presence.
It's like marriage counseling with three--futile.
It hate saying that. You know I'm a Stander and that I want the two of you back together...whether legally married or not you wer eemotionally so, and I beleive that's enough for God.
Maybe he will consciously miss you if you aren't always close by...who knows. The important thing is to not use that as your motivation. Focus on you.
HUGS,
RCR
PS:
Finally_Free's question was a good one...and free of sarcasm and undertones. This is something you do need to think about. And then help us...answer the question here on the board.
Last edited by Rollercoasterider; 12/03/0604:13 PM.
Hey white, how's it going? Hope all is well. Nothing new with me, just waiting to hear on the same house from a few weeks ago.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
