I'm so sorry I haven't posted on your thread for so long. I check mine every few days but that's been about it. I read everything. I do think that ff was being harsh, but I must say that in reading recent developments and your thoughts and feelings I'm starting to agree with some of the things ff wrote. I'm sorry to say it. FF maybe didn't write it in the best way, but white - I've been here with you for over a year now. I came here on eve of the seperation from my now xh. Now, almost 18 months later I'm done, over it, moved on ready to literally buy another house, etc. Do I sometimes miss XH, yes. Do I sometimes want him back, yes. I think anyone who has ever been in any type of long term relationship - romantic, work, etc has those thoughts. But we know that was the past and we have to move on in life. Make new beginings, make a new life.
I'm really honestly truly worrying about you. The cycles you go through, the length at which you cannot detach. It is not healthy. I understand that I've only "heard" your side of the story, but why why why would you hang on and continue to pursue the man that caused so much pain, hurt, suffering to you? It seems that he was at least emotionally and mentally on the edge of abuse and here you are, more than 2 years after you two broke up after several years of dating and you continue to write about loving him and wanting him back and not moving on.
White, I am so sorry if this comes off as harsh, but I am really worried about you and I'm not sure how else to write it. If you were a relative of mine or a friend or co-worker I knew face to face I would suggest talking to a professional. This isn't healthy and it's concerning.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
