Thanksgiving I went to some friends. THe next morning I was having a really hard day. I went on the roof for some sunshine and with a book and also my cell and called some friends. Noone was home, but I left some messages.
I walked down and was going back to my place when ex came out of his place.
I was like, Ex! Ex. so...I told him I was having a really hard time today. He dsaid that he had to go to work but he had 5 minutes. I told him that I didn't want to talk on the balcony so could we talk inside one of ou places. He said, well, then can we talk later.
I said just 5 minutes so he agreed and wewent to my place,. I told him what was going on with me, how i felt so isolated and that I was missing out on all this stuff and i didn't understand what I had done to deserve this. I told him that I had worked on all the things that he had problems with.
I toldhim that i can't do this without him and that I need him.
He said, well, we can be friends and we can talk.
I said okay and we smiled.

He said you have my number. I said, I have your number but it doesn't seem like you are ever home. He said, I'm not, I'm working.

He said you only want to talk to me when you're feeling bad or about this deep stuff. I said, not that's not true. I want to talk to him all the time about, other stuff but I just try to leave him alone and respect the fact tat he doesn't want me in his life anymore.
but then Finally I get desperate and that's when I talk to him so it's all heavy.

He said, you can't just throw this stuff at people everyone has their own problems.

I said it sucks to have your heart broken. He said I'm sorry (I've heard these words 4 times out of his mouth ever)

I asked about his thanksgiving. Made sure not to keep him and told him I hope he had a good day at work.

So two things. He does want to talk to me about ordinary stuff and seems upset that I haven't contacted him to do so.
2. I was the one that he would go to with his problems, I felt he was telling me he has some and that he would also like to talk about them.

Next morning. looking much better, not feelign much better, but acting as if. I go over to his place knock and smile. He's happy to see me. We talk for a short while, he invited me in for coffee. He was flirting with me.

I made sure to be quiet and listen to him. Validate etc. We talked about all kinds of interests that we share. He told me some stories in which he mentioned me in past tense as in, remember when you said this about this kind of thing(not relationship other stuff)
So he had been reminded of me. This may seem minor but I literally felt like I didn't exist to this man for quite some time. So this was extremely nice to hear.

He said taht I was romanticizing the R that I had been miserable. I said no I wasn't, I was immature at the time.

He asked me ahy I gave him so much respindsibility. I think this was a major 180 because in the past he said that he didn't want anyone to rely on him and just denied having any responsibility. I felt with this question he was taking on some of it.
I just vlidated. I said, I have given you a lot of respondsibility. He put my coffee down n front of me and I thought he was just going to embrace me.

WE had a great conversation about all kinds of things. He was once again the comapassionate, level headed man that I fell in love with.

I noticed that even when we talked about light things and common interests, the feelinggot heavy. I could see that he had feelings for me.

When I got up to leave. I could feel the speration anxiety in the room. Not just from me.

I lovehim and i want him back.

Yesterday I went out with a friend of mine whose big in the hollywood scene and such a playa'. We're just friends and ahve always been. He gave me renewed hope in humanity and men yesteerday because he told me that he has started thinking about wanting to settle down, get married and be with just one person.
He was the main person reasoning with me that men are just polygamous by nature and love like I believe in doesn't exist etc. Now he's saying he wants it. ha! Whether he will ever find a girl to meet his standards, who knows.
This guy is 2 years older than my ex.

I also phoned my ex around 4 or 5 last night and left a message just saying hi. he did not call back.

I tossed and turned all night, but the rain sounded lovely.