FF IF you read this, I suggest you go back over to our Surviving board and read Barbs thread, you know the woman you called a " dumb blonde" and " clique-ish" maybe you can get a feel what a good good woman she is and how you really need to be careful what you say, when you do not have a clue
I hope you find happiness though, you seem angry Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving to you.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Thanksgiving I went to some friends. THe next morning I was having a really hard day. I went on the roof for some sunshine and with a book and also my cell and called some friends. Noone was home, but I left some messages. I walked down and was going back to my place when ex came out of his place. I was like, Ex! Ex. so...I told him I was having a really hard time today. He dsaid that he had to go to work but he had 5 minutes. I told him that I didn't want to talk on the balcony so could we talk inside one of ou places. He said, well, then can we talk later. I said just 5 minutes so he agreed and wewent to my place,. I told him what was going on with me, how i felt so isolated and that I was missing out on all this stuff and i didn't understand what I had done to deserve this. I told him that I had worked on all the things that he had problems with. I toldhim that i can't do this without him and that I need him. He said, well, we can be friends and we can talk. I said okay and we smiled.
He said you have my number. I said, I have your number but it doesn't seem like you are ever home. He said, I'm not, I'm working.
He said you only want to talk to me when you're feeling bad or about this deep stuff. I said, not that's not true. I want to talk to him all the time about, other stuff but I just try to leave him alone and respect the fact tat he doesn't want me in his life anymore. but then Finally I get desperate and that's when I talk to him so it's all heavy.
He said, you can't just throw this stuff at people everyone has their own problems.
I said it sucks to have your heart broken. He said I'm sorry (I've heard these words 4 times out of his mouth ever)
I asked about his thanksgiving. Made sure not to keep him and told him I hope he had a good day at work.
So two things. He does want to talk to me about ordinary stuff and seems upset that I haven't contacted him to do so. 2. I was the one that he would go to with his problems, I felt he was telling me he has some and that he would also like to talk about them.
Next morning. looking much better, not feelign much better, but acting as if. I go over to his place knock and smile. He's happy to see me. We talk for a short while, he invited me in for coffee. He was flirting with me.
I made sure to be quiet and listen to him. Validate etc. We talked about all kinds of interests that we share. He told me some stories in which he mentioned me in past tense as in, remember when you said this about this kind of thing(not relationship other stuff) So he had been reminded of me. This may seem minor but I literally felt like I didn't exist to this man for quite some time. So this was extremely nice to hear.
He said taht I was romanticizing the R that I had been miserable. I said no I wasn't, I was immature at the time.
He asked me ahy I gave him so much respindsibility. I think this was a major 180 because in the past he said that he didn't want anyone to rely on him and just denied having any responsibility. I felt with this question he was taking on some of it. I just vlidated. I said, I have given you a lot of respondsibility. He put my coffee down n front of me and I thought he was just going to embrace me.
WE had a great conversation about all kinds of things. He was once again the comapassionate, level headed man that I fell in love with.
I noticed that even when we talked about light things and common interests, the feelinggot heavy. I could see that he had feelings for me.
When I got up to leave. I could feel the speration anxiety in the room. Not just from me.
I lovehim and i want him back.
Yesterday I went out with a friend of mine whose big in the hollywood scene and such a playa'. We're just friends and ahve always been. He gave me renewed hope in humanity and men yesteerday because he told me that he has started thinking about wanting to settle down, get married and be with just one person. He was the main person reasoning with me that men are just polygamous by nature and love like I believe in doesn't exist etc. Now he's saying he wants it. ha! Whether he will ever find a girl to meet his standards, who knows. This guy is 2 years older than my ex.
I also phoned my ex around 4 or 5 last night and left a message just saying hi. he did not call back.
I tossed and turned all night, but the rain sounded lovely.
More notes. Money has always been a huge concern for him. He and his family have excellent work ethic and so does he. His answer to his father about why he was waiting tom arry me was that he'd like to make some money first. Well, he's about to make a good amount. His career is really getting to the place he's wanted it to be.
Spoke to a gfriend who reported to me that he had been very strange and cold over the year and that his BF had been hurt in much the same ways as I had by this personality changes.
When we were together he said that we had problems working together so we shouldn't work together but only have a romantic relationship. Now 2 days ago hes said, you're talking about two seperate things here. We've never had a problem working together, it's just the romantic relationship. Ha!
I'm pretty certain this ow he's seeing is not seriouse and is an open relationship. THat from what mutual friends have told me, without me asking.
Quote: He asked me ahy I gave him so much respindsibility. I think this was a major 180 because in the past he said that he didn't want anyone to rely on him and just denied having any responsibility.
(((( WH )))) Wow sounds like a lot happened in a short time. Good that he is talking and good to see his old self peep out a little. The above QUOTE! Wow, so similiar to me and I am sure many others! They dont want responsability. YOu cannot make it thru life without responsability, i wish they would wake up and smell the coffe and realize THEY AREN"T THE ONLY ONES IN THE WORLD!!
Well i hope you day is going well....i will keep ya in my prayers.
xoxoxo Trying
Silla
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on....Robert Frost
I started re-reading divorce remedy yesterday. I've been making notes as well. Morning is a particularly difficult time for him, whereas at night he's fine, I'm the opposite.
He mentioned some movies he thought I would like, recommended some places etc. THis really is truly different from before where I didn't even exist.
I told him that I had changed my mail address and was sorry that they kept sending stuff to him anyway. He said, it's not a big deal, it doesn't happen that often.
I love how the two of us don't always have to be talking. There were several pauses and silences. We just looked at each other. Actually stared at each other in the eye.
When I said he never seemed to be home during the first conversation, his answer was I'mnot, I'mworking, not --I'm notcause I'm with someone else etc....
He spoke about hisbro-inlaw and his bus partner whom were best friends before had huge sucess, some power plays and now aren't even talking.
He just thought it was awful.
I agreed and said, that is why I've done my best to let go of anger and grudges because thisis our life, it's only once and it's really not worth it to me to hold a grudge and not have him in my life. This sunk in.And then I gave him credit and said, apparantly the same wasfor him, because he didn't seem to be holding any grudges etc. I wanted tovalidate that he has reason to be angry at me also.
