Please don't beat yourself up. It's okay to feel what you are feeling. You are negating your own feelings here. You are telling yourself you are wrong for feeling this way. Your feelings are very important. It's okay to love someone.
You can't rush the healing. Just feel what you feel and let it out. You need all the time it takes to get over your lose. Give yourself permission. Don't let anyone else tell you how you are supposed to feel. That's not healthy. I'll say a prayer for you, my dear. You will find happiness at the right time. You will find it within yourself.
