Did not skip out on my date last night even though I felt like it. He's a nice guy and wants to be helpful. I don't know. I guess no chemistry.

oh well. my new guy is out there somewhere.

It's amazing all these compliments I get from these dates.
I'm also amazed that they think I'm a good person. On the on hand I have all my mutual friends with the ex who think ill of my morals and then these new people who think they are good.

At least I'm not blaming my ex for my unhappiness anymore. I think what he's doing is wrong and very hurtful, but I'm not judging him for it. It's more just an objective view point without much emotion attached.

After a very hard day yesterday and not much sleep, I have to pick myself up and try again.

I have another date tonight, with another guy that I'm not so attracted to. WIll I ever be attracted to anyone again?

That is the question.

On the one hand I envy my ex, for being able to be attracted to so very many people. I wonder what's easier. HIs predicament or mine. His definitly seems a lot more fun. Regardless it doesn't matter. I had some growing up to do and now I am doing it.

It just happens to coincide with my ex having the time of his life.

I need to remember that the only life I have to live is my own.

I no longer feel anger at ex, much more sadness.

the anger is now directed at myself.