Sounds like a plan. And now just detach, detach, detach. That is how I keep my sanity as well. Enjoy his company if you can but otherwise be the best you can be for yourself and your kids and if he wants to come along for the ride, great. If not, his loss. Easier said than done when you want a great marriage relationship NOW, but perhaps you will get it LATER.
God Bless, BethJ
H 40
Me 40
married 15 years
5 children aged 2-11
Bomb 2-6-05
Now we are piecing, I think
IHH, hon, this is more than a bad marriage. I'm not telling you what to do. I am asking you to think and pray long and hard about this however.
As a man, I have to say that there is never any excuse for anyone to lash out violently because of anger. Never...particularly when it involves an adult lashing out against a child he's supposed to protect. And I'm a recovering "angerholic", mind you, so I understand the rage...I experienced it weekly if not daily for a long, long time. However, I never struck my wife or my kids. I was definitely harshly critical of my wife and very mean to her. I was impatient with the kids. But I never hit or hurt anyone physically.
He's crossed a very significant line. This isn't about DB'ing and detaching in order to save a relationship. I don't claim to know everything, but I know that no marriage has any hope of being anywhere close to good or healthy as long as one or both parents is actively participating in that kind of rage.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
You're right, I do volunteer work at the DV Shelter, that's why I said I can't afford to be a hypocrite on this. Can you imagine having the police report on my own family filtering through the office where I counsel women & children to protect themselves? How would I explain that I allowed this? More importantly, how would I explain to my children that I work to protect other people's children, but not my own?
TL,
I believe you are right. His rage has been progressively getting worse, not better. He crossed a line and picked the most fragile of my three children to cross it with. The good news is that DB has taught me to KNOW who I am and that has taught me to KNOW what I'm willing to accept and not accept. You remember before I said I was struggling with boundaries? I found them.
I'll be okay. I have a great support network and an awesome church family & pastor. I was once strong, confident, independent and full of hope. I will be again, thanks to everything I've learned in the past few months.
H-44 M-36 Married 6/7/03 8/17/06 - H not sure he wants to be married any more 8/17/06-present - Just crawling through the rubble that's left of my life 2/8/07 - H admitted affair
