Well, guys, I'm afraid this is the end of the road for me. I guess some people are DBers at heart and others are not. I tried to stay positive, I tried to have fun w/him last night, but he had a few drinks and the conversation turned to OW (I honestly don't think I brought it up, but somehow we ended up on the topic). He grew furious again. I stayed calm. I stayed calm. I stayed calm.
He called this morning to "apologize." Said last night was all his fault, said he lashes out because he's "ashamed" and he "crossed the line." So, I'm thinking this is good, he's finally seeing that the relationship w/her was wrong & I'm starting to feel somewhat assured that it may not be an issue any longer.
Then he said, "If it happens again, I will hit you." I'm kind of trying to understand how "It's all my fault, but if it happens again I'll hit you" makes sense, even to him. But apparently it does so I'm out.
Thanks for trying everyone.
H-44 M-36 Married 6/7/03 8/17/06 - H not sure he wants to be married any more 8/17/06-present - Just crawling through the rubble that's left of my life 2/8/07 - H admitted affair
Granted it was an awful thing to say to you, maybe is some desperate-stupid way he's trying to make you lay off bringing up the ow, I think you need to calm down and have a good talk w/him. He needs to do some explaining as of why he thinks hitting you is going to help you both heal your M. Give him a chance to see how much of an ass he made of himself by saying something like that.
Please, you've come a long way to break it off due to some stupid thing he said.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Hey, mama! Thanks for checking on me. I figured I would hang around & read other people's threads in case I ever decide I'm relationship material again.
Honestly, I haven't made any decisions about my M since that last post. I'm bothered not so much by what he said, but by the way he said it. I could understand it and overlook it if it had been said in anger. But it was said after he had hours to process his thoughts. It was said as a resolution. KWIM?? It's like this was the best possible solution he could find to our problems.
One of the hardest things in our marriage the last several months has been his threat that the next time we fight, he's leaving. I had decided I won't live under a threat of any kind and that's what kicked off this whole mess (well, that and Skanky Ho @ work).
Now there's a new threat. I've been doing volunteer work for the Domestic Violence shelter in our county and I can't afford to be a hypocrite on this issue. It's barely acceptable to threaten violence in anger, but it's absolutely unacceptable to use the threat as a means of control.
I don't know. I'm kicking it around in my head. Still not clear on boundaries, etc.
H-44 M-36 Married 6/7/03 8/17/06 - H not sure he wants to be married any more 8/17/06-present - Just crawling through the rubble that's left of my life 2/8/07 - H admitted affair
Your H is dilusional in saying that the next time we fight I'm leaving. Maybe it's the way the two of you fight, do you resort to name calling and blame? Could you fight calmly and just agree to disagree? Wait until H and "Skank Ho" have an argument, fantasy land can't be perfect forever. Maybe he is already getting $hit from her and taking it out on you, who knows. Just remain calm and work on your GAL goals.
As far as the threat of violence, that is completely unacceptable under any circumstances.
Whatever you decide, keep coming here to vent, look for advice or lurk on others threads. This is a great place!
I think it is time for some direct communication. You don't KNOW what H meant by that comment. To me, it sounded as if he was resolute in not allowing it to happen again because he is afraid that if it does he will lose control and hit you. Of course, I didn't hear the conversation. Still, I think it is time you quit ASSuming you know what he meant.
"H, I was very scared by something you said. You said "______________." I took that as a threat. Is that how you intended it or are we miscommunicating somehow?"
If he meant it as a threat, then you already know what you should do.
H-44 M-36 Married 6/7/03 8/17/06 - H not sure he wants to be married any more 8/17/06-present - Just crawling through the rubble that's left of my life 2/8/07 - H admitted affair
