I cannot believe how much your sitch sounds like mine. I am dealing with the exact insecurities as you.
1. My H also works with the OW. Next to asking him to switch jobs, (which isn't realistic financially at this point) there is not much I can do. I can only hope that he is avoiding her but I will never know.
2. He has always stated they were "just friends" and has never admitted to anything else. This I do not believe either. A few months ago he was going out almost everynight of the week and staying out all night at least once a week (saying he was too drunk to drive). When the bomb first dropped he had went away for the weekend with her (told me fishing with the guys, which I soon figured out was a lie). I don't believe that a married man and a single woman can be "just friends", like you I believe they were "dating".
3. A while back my H also told me the dreaded ILYBINILWY, he wasn't "attracted" to me and that he didn't know what he wanted but "I'm here arn't I?" That also made me feel like he was settling for me. I figured we are barely making it financially so if he were to leave it would cost him even more money that he didn't have so he was "trapped" into staying.
Things have recently started to turn around though. Like your H he is doing so many wonderful things yet I still find the 1 thing that is missing and dwell on that. If you jump over to my thread you will see some great advice that I have received. If you have the time it may be worth reading for you since I think our sitch's are so similar.
