What you're doing is like planting an apple sapling in your yard, watering it, fertilizing it, then going back the very next next day and ripping it out of the ground because it's not full-grown or producing apples yet, then replanting it in another part of the yard, then going back the next day and ripping it out again for the same reason. Keep it up and all you're left with is some dead twigs.
You just need to stop that by a sheer act of will even though you don't feel like it, even though you feel bad and want to express that. Sorry for being so direct. He sounds like he's being about as good as my W was/is, but instead of helping to create new positive experiences and memories, tending the sapling day after day, you're ripping out whatever progress you've made and starting over from scratch day in and day out. It's not going to get you what you want. You know you can do better than that.
That's not to say you're nuts; it sounds like a pretty normal reaction. It takes a lot of effort and will to detach and get to where you're comfortable with the situation, adapt to it. Then when there's a change, regardless of how good it may be, it's still a change, and it throws you, and the feelings that you've been working so hard at controlling, the destructive anxiety, hurt, pain, fear, etc., come boiling back up...particularly when WAS gets closer. I've experienced exactly the same thing.
They come back a little. LBS tends to want to jump right back in and have things be great, yet they aren't, and the first time an expectation doesn't get met, we allow ourselves to dark spiral and blow it.
You're going to have to just do it and quit whining. Sorry. No easy way around it, ya gotta go through, but if you go through and make things unnecessarily hard for your H, he's just going to think there's nothing he can do that will ever be good enough cause in his mind he's doing all he can.
As a Christian, consider the following verse:
2 Corinthians 8:12 "For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have."
That helped me out a lot because I drove my wife to tears at one point back in August because she was truly giving me all she had to give and I wouldn't accept it, just complained that it wasn't "everything."
Also think of/look up Jesus story about the widow's mite. She gave all she had.
If your husband is willing to give all he has now, you need to help it grow by accepting it, appreciating it, and giving it back. Y'all are creating fertile soil, creating an environment where your relationship can grow, and you know that almost anything worthwhile you put in the yard or garden takes a long time to grow and bear fruit...but you're at a stage of the game where a lot of other people would like to be right now. You have it pretty dang good.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
