As a former ultimatum giver, let me suggest a few ideas. First, what about sayng, as for Nov 15, "I really just need to feel as if there is hope for us", "that you are committed to the M" and then back off of it. OR, what about just being totally open & upfront and say, "the thing about an ultimatum, is that it was designed to protect ME, but now I don't know what part of it is based on pride, versus self respect, and H, since I don't know exactly where that line is, for now I just want us to work on US and figure out the rest as we go...."
And like Bnd says, don't grovel....your H has a role in this M, and although I can't recall alll of your sitch at the moment, I know enough to know he has a temper problem too. And seriously, did you really expect (not "hope", but "expect") your H to agree that yes you all should spend more time as a family in response to what you said....did he ever say he does not want to? Face it, you were critisizing. We have to know when we speak, what our goal is--our real goal--and whether our words will move us in that direction.
Sometimes that means lots of introspection. Good luck, j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
