Hey there, i see where you are coming from, same thing w/my H about working out, he'd go running whenever, I never had enough time between working ft, kids and housework and he always wanted me to loose weight.
If there is one thing that we should've learned from the hell we went through is that life is too short to be miserable. Not that I'm very succesful at having my H help much at home (well, he's only home 2 days because of training) I think you should talk with H about splitting chores/homework duty.
About working out, I go to the gym 2x a week during my lunch hr, and during the week, after both my kids go to bed I pop a dvd/video and do at least a 30min of taebo, dance aerobics, etc, at least 2x a week. In this way i still have time for the kids.
About household, well, I had to lower my standards too (it used to be a source of fighting w/my H big time). I now clean the bathrooms with all purpose sprays half the time, some days I split the bathroom cleaning in 2 days during the week, that way it doesn't take long.
I use disposable dishes; I'm a believer of home-cooked meals, but now and then (specially fridays) it's pizza night or hot dog, once during the weeked we go to McD and we have a frozen lunch the next day. SIMPLIFY without dropping the ball, your kids can help too, specially the oldest ones, they should do either the dish washing or putting away laundry. Take turns w/H to do homework duty.
Quote: finding all the little things that he used to do that he's not doing any more. This is especially stupid when you consider that I NEVER appreciated those little things when he WAS doing them,
Well, since you never let him know he might think you didnt' like them. You could say "I really liked it when you did so and so", gently and without prodding, I've learned that you give graciously when you give from your heart and not when someone is insisting that you do (im guilty of that)
I will finish with a little story that is just right for every woman to know: There was this shopping center where you could get men, it had five levels, the catch was once you went onto the next level you couldnt' go the previous one. So a woman goes to the first and the sign read "men who are attractive and is great in bed". "Hmm, that sounds great, but I wonder what's in the next level?" So she goes the 2nd and the sign reads "men are attractive, great in bed and can cook". "Wow!" she says "that's awesome, but I wonder what's on the third?" The 3rd had a sign of "attractive men, great in bed, can cook and are great listeners". "That's incredible!, but I wonder what's in the 4th?". So she goes to the forth and the sign reads "attractive men, great in bed, can cook, great listeners who'll massage your feet when you tired". The woman is just amazed, but, she can't help to wonder what's on the 5th. So up she goes and the 5th level is empty, except for the sign that reads "This just goes to show you that you can't never please a woman".
We always want more that our H is willing to give us now, In my case my H is so inmerse w/his new training there is very little time for me, I work FT, care of kids, cook clean and do everything else, when he is home we have 2 days together and most times he has assignments and little time 4me. He's under great stress, still feeling low after all the mess that happened (separation, PA) and internally he's got issues, so I'm not first priority, not much validation, no ILY yet, he's still figuring himself/us out. So from time to time I get so needy and have a few temper tantrums, which just dont' help us but sets us back. We need to be greatfull for what they do give us and encourage, it is a work in progress, can't expect it all at once.
About the betrayal and resentment, that is a hard one but remember to not let the EA overshadow the real reasons you guys fell appart. Heaven knows it's been a huge stone on my path, I have to literally stop myself from thinking about all the stuff I found out about my H and the other. I highly suggest you read "Healing the hurt in your marrieage" it is an awesome christian oriented book for people who are fighting to get over the hurt and resentment in an M.
It can be done, hang in there. Also, it's ok and totally normal to have a blue day, but remember, train your mind to focus on the positives, ok?
...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
piecing after separation
