This is NOT what I expected!

[toughlover]

Welcome. I know exactly what you mean about it not being what you expected. That's a tough adjustment to make.

See what I mean about the attitude?

Yes I do. Find myself doing something similar sometimes. That's just part of it, and you're not wrong for feeling that way, but it will help you tremendously to get to where you can just shove it aside like yesterday's newspaper. It will poison you if you don't.

I'm comparing it to the marriage we had before

That's another hard one to get past...cause that's all you know of each other. Good and bad. I got to where I really couldn't be enthused about being married to my W anymore because of who she had been. She of course wasn't at all thrilled with who I'd become either, with good reason.

There's not much to go back to with us. I can't respect or admire who and what she was. Ditto she with me. We have both recommitted ourselves to Christ and to each other and I see the kind of person she's becoming, and I think she's great. It gives me hope.

But as far as the old marriage, in our case it's dead. Maybe that's the best way to look at it, I don't know. Keeps us from looking back for too long. That's necessary for a little while, to understand and to grieve. Then you have to press onward and upward toward the husband and wife God calls y'all to be.

I've become so fearful of losing him

See, now that's a problem. You're in a tizzy over a bunch of stuff based around him being gone, which is fine if you're simply being pragmatic and GAL, detaching, etc. But you're not. You're focusing on the worst case scenario and I'm telling you, I've been there done that and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You can't neglect the stuff that is important to you in order to simply please him and keep him around. You'll only end up hating yourself for it, and resenting him for it.

Y'all got to get to where you can talk this stuff out.