It is a difficult decision to make. Yesterday would have been our 10 yr anniversary. We got married in April through the J.P. but our wedding was oct. 26. it was hard. man was it hard. i did my best to keep my mind off him. but i couldn't. i even went out last night with this man but my mind was somewhere else. i hate this feeling. i hate it. i'm stuck. my sexual frustration took over my body and my mind. last night was fun though. i had some drinks and danced a little. in fact, i think i drank too much. i got home late and i remember making a phone call. (this is so wrong for a woman to do this) i remember crying and i remember leaving my H a long voicemail. don't remember the details. i feel stupid now. i feel that i'm back to square one. but i do feel in control. i'm not as sad as before and i'm not emailing him or calling him (except last night ofcourse after my many many drinks). what do you think?
me = 34 H = 35 kids = 3 worst day of my life: march 24, 2006 he filed: april 20 Present day: Wedding ring on, he's looking forward to another baby, taking day by day, we talk about our feelings whenever possible.
I would be particularly careful with the drinking. Sure it might temporarily relieve the stress, but it won't resolve it and might make it worse.
I'm no angel myself, but do try to keep a tight lid on my drinking. It clouds your judgement and makes you do things you might regret when you sober up. I especially watch myself when I'm out on a date. I really like to get to know who I'm dating and don't want to end up with sticky relationship issues because I drank to much and threw caution to the wind.
We all stumble from time to time with the begging, pleading, and crying, but it will decrease as time goes on. I'm a year into this and just over the past 3 to 4 months, I'm starting to feel alive and happy again. Aside from time healing the wounds, It's something you can help speed along. You have more control over your emotions than you realize, it's a matter of learning to control them and not base decisions on them.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I haven't read your post. What's your situation? Are you divorced already or not even there? Mine unfortunately filed for divorce the month after he left. I still don't know why he left. Sure he said he didn't love me anymore and that he never did (don't they all). He hasn't said he's having an affair so i can't point fingers, yet.
are you even trying to salvage your marriage? i am trying. i'm working on the LRT and i have seen small changes but none that can assure me he's thinking of me. i'm at that point that whatever happens...happens. i'm tired of pushing and crying and wasting my life on him. i'm happy right now. i'm happy that this happened to me. i was going in the wrong direction before he left. i did too many things that a wife shouldn't have done. (not infidelity) so now, i see myself and am happy that I made the initiative of changing ME not him. he's gonna have to work on himself on his own. i can't change him. i have my down days but i think i have more positive days. how old are you? i don't think i saw that info on your post. me = i'm 33 and have 3 kids. married 10 yrs now and two months without anti-depressants. like i said, i have my down days but i pray alot and look to Him for guidance. it's true what people say about the bible. just think of your problem and ask God to guide you, give you an answer and then open the bible (doesn't matter where). i've done this and i read the scripture over and over to try to understand it and somehow it does relate to my problem and the answer is there. am i rambling????? sorry. anyway, i don't drink like you think. i only had a few drinks last night because i ...well, felt like having fun and wanted to put my H on the backburner.
me = 34 H = 35 kids = 3 worst day of my life: march 24, 2006 he filed: april 20 Present day: Wedding ring on, he's looking forward to another baby, taking day by day, we talk about our feelings whenever possible.
I'm 45, WAW 43, S13 & S6 Married 8 years, I've know her since she was 16 years old.
7/05 - W drops bomb.. ILYBNILWY, need space, ect, ect, 12/05 - Moved out. 6/06 - Found out WAW was having EA with prison inmate since 5/05.. visits/letters/phone calls. om is still in prison on 2 ND degree murder charges. She was engaged to him 15 years ago before he committed crime and went to prison. He got 15 years to life. Shot a man in a heated argument. She said she was over him, but I guess not. 8/06 - Listed house for sale. Still waiting on buyer.
Mutual agreement to sell off assets and split proceeds before filing for dissolution.
I went through the same range of emotions that most here have gone through. I wanted to save my marriage and did all the wrong things trying, begged, pleaded, cried, etc.
When what I was doing didn't work, I started reading and researching. Started to evaluate my own part in all of this. Started to work on improving myself in many areas of my life and found out some things about myself I didn't know. Than, I started to question my own motives for wanting my W back. I still am questioning my motives for wanting her back and am starting to concentrate more on my self and kids. What do I want out of life? What's held me back from doing the things I want to do? How do I get to where I want to go? A lot of self discovery.
The OM came up for parole and was denied just recently. She is devastated and is even flakier than she was before. I would take my old W back, but not this person she is now.
I'm strongly in the detaching camp and come here occasionally to communicate with others in my same circumstances. It helps with the healing and my understanding.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
