whatis, you make alot of sense and I enjoy reading and following your sitch to gain insight not only about my R, but about life in general. It is hard to imagine how I have gone through life and never bothered to try and become a complete person. I like sports and a good analogy that my C brought up is that I have become very good at one position; however, I do not have knowledge of the other positions on the field. My W asked me this morning if I love her. I was shocked to say the least given all that we have been going through. I then realized that what she was really asking was if I loved her for her not for what she does as a mother or for her appearence, but for what is inside of her. This is my demon, the ability to express my true heartfelt feelings to her in a way that touches her deeply. My tongue seems to sabotage what I am trying to say and I often wonder if maybe I am fearful to be vulnerable or to make a mistake. I have never been afraid to make mistakes in the past, but then again I never let anyone in any R get close. I understand that now, why is it so freaking hard to open up for me. What is stopping me from making the next step on this journey of faith. I can honestly say that if I do not continue on this journey and face my demons that I will not have the R I want to have with my two boys as they grow up, and it will not be because of them it will be because I do not have the skills. Therefore I will keep struggling forward with yours and everyone else's insight and help. Thank you.
