SRT thanks for checking in on me. My W was supposed to be gone today through the weekend. Last night she informed me that she had changed her mind and was not going. When I got home last night it looked as if she had been crying and asked if she was ok and if she had in fact been crying and she said she was fine and had not been crying. She did not tell me at that time that she had changed her mind regarding the trip, instead she waited until we were on our way to dinner to inform me. The last week leading up to the planned trip has been one of the most difficult so far. She has been questioning me on everything I do, looking through my wallet, phone, etc. She has even gone as far to check the bottom of my running shoes for grass and dirt to ensure that I in fact went running. Please keep in mind that I have never cheated on her and never will. I have responded that she is acting irrational and asked her what she was hiding given her strange behaiver. She of course said she is not hiding anything. She has said she does not trust me and I do not understand why unless she is just projecting her feelings on to me. I have nothing to hide; however, I get the feeling that she is hoping to find something to justify her actions. I also get the stange feeling that I am being followed at times; however, if that is the case it really is not a big deal because I really have nothing to hide. Last night we went to dinner with the kids and the youngest was tired and hungry and therefore was a challange during dinner. I took care of him and at the end my W gave me a regular kiss and thanked me for taking care of the youngest and after putting the kids to bed I gave her a massage; however, this morning before going to work it appeared that she was depressed again. I am going weekly to see a C and that is helping me look into a mirror and deal with past issues. I am trying to reframe and not look at this as a tragedy but instead as a blessing and I am focusing on a plan for me that includes GAL and detaching from the actions I want to change from the past. The children need to be a part of my GAL, leaving them at home for wife to take care of is not the answer. Any suggestions would be great regarding GAL and a plan. On a side note I also have a pain inside of me that started when my W dropped the bomb that she wanted a D that I have come to realize is being caused by me. I am trying to figure out how to deal with that pain and emptiness and questioning why I keep causing the pain when I obviously do not like it and I really do not see where it serves any great purpose. Thanks to all that are following my sitch and thanks in advance for suggestions you might have.
