What you have to do now is to figure out what you want with your life. Do you want to save you M or not?
I want to save my M and have my children grow up in the same household with both their father and mother. I have done alot of soul searching trying to determine if this is out of need or love and being honest it is more love than need; however, there is a little of need in my desire to save my M.
So first and foremost you need to forget about him and focus on what you want. Focus on how you were when she fell in love with you. What was it about you that made her so passionately in love with you that she decided to M you?
Wife has convinced herself that she has found somebody that she had no idea existed in the world and he has shown her things that I am not even capable of from an emotional standpoint. He is caring, selfless, genuine, thoughtful and thinks of everyone else's needs before his own. WTF given he will leave his 4m old child and is being dishonest with his current wife. He works out of his home, his wife is the primary provider in the family, and he just started a new job in sales. She has been the one to share this info with me I have not wanted to find out about him because I agree that this is not about him it is about what was missing in our marriage and unfortuntly I was missing in the marriage. I was usually gone from 5:30-7am and 8am until 7-7:30 with occasional Sat. work from 8am - 12pm. I would however get up with the kids at night and put them to bed which at times required walking the baby until he fell asleep which could last anywhere from 1-2 hours. This last year was hell and I was living off of 5 hours of sleep; however, I new there was an end in sight and we could get through it. Financially everything came together, unfortuntly at a very heavy price given my wife's present attitude.
One last thing I want to try and explain is that you need to start to process your feelings. How do you feel right now? What is it that you are afraid of and or scared of?
I am scared of losing my children, she has already stated she wants to marry OM and live with him in another State which is 10 hours away. I am scared that we are going to lose everything we worked for financially for the past ten years. I am non-family member in an all family buisness that has stated they will remove me if we S. Finally I am scared that I will lose myself in this whole process, that I will stay in some form of denial and not be the person I am capable of being.
SRTogacihC
thank you for summarizing your sitch. I try to imagine that when I said my vows for better or worse this is what I signed up for. You sound very similiar to me, both my wife and I made the decision for her to stay at home with the kids. He$$ I loved taking care of the kids on the weekend and think in some ways I wish I could have stayed home. I saw that it was difficult on her and encourged and helped dabble in real estate before the second child was born. Unfortuntly with 2 kids and no family I was not smart enough to hire help, I was more concerned with saving money for investment or future attorney's lol. She became depressed and being the smart guy I thought I was I encourged her to work threw it with me. What I did not realize was that we had OM in our R and that I can not solve all the problems; therefore now wife and OM have determined that the depression must have been a result of me. She is happy when she is talking with him or with him, who know's and not with me. I told my wife if she is not happy and wants to be with OM to go and leave the kids with me. Unfortuntly she got mad and wants both kids with her and there in lies our problem. We both love our children and want to be with them. I have been trying to take the high road and keep their needs first in my mind even if that means I do not get to see them very often.
My wife has been showing me more affection lately which may be stringing me along given she has a weekend getaway planned with OM that she believes I do not know about. Again it really does not matter what she does, this is about me controling what I can control which is myself. I have made a decision to stay and fight for my family and unfortuntly there is more pain than I can imagine with that decision.
Thank you both for your words, it really helps to write about this with all of you as opposed to screwing up and talking about it with my wife.
