Very very similar situation. I am a good man...good provider...loyal...my W was a stay at home mom. One child S3. Much like you I went about our/my daily routine...went to work...did stuff as a family on the weekends. I too figured routine and no outward problems was a good thing...don't fix what is not broke. W had quit work when S3 was born...kind of a mutual decision...we were having fertility problems and we thought leaving the stress of her job would help...it did and our son was born. I make good money so there was no reason for her to go back to work...thought it would be best for our son if she raised him at home...the problem is I think she missed the adult interaction of work...got bored at home...unknown to me W was not happy in the marriage felt the passion was gone...got the line later "loves me but not in love with me" "had given up on the marriage 2 years ago", basically she was bored...we were not able to go out as often because of having a child...etc...
8 months ago she met a couple new girlfriends and started going out with them once or twice a month...actually I encouraged her to do this, was alright with it...I was happy she had found some friends...and I trusted her...why shouldn't I? We were married for 6 years...I felt we had a good relationship...we always got along...no fights or anything...I was still passionaltely in love with her...we still had a good sex life. She did not communicate that she was that unhappy.
Well my W is a very attractive lady...hanging out with her GFs she got a lot of male attention and found something she was missing. Ended up started emailing/IMing one guy and fell into an emotional affair...that likely turned physical a few months into it. I immediately noticed changes...she started dressing differently, stopped caring about keeping the house up, paid less attention to our S and me, started going out more often, started coming up with reasons she had to go out or stay out, got more confrontational...I kind of immediately knew something was up and I probably did the wrong thing in trying to suffocate her and make changes and figure out what was happenning.
Well I knew something was happenning...I had caught her in a few lies but she always had an excuse and denied everything. I started snooping...found phone calls to him...found some emails to him...but still no hard proof and even confronted with these facts still denied everything...just friends etc...she just likes hanging out with him sometimes etc...would lie directly to me. Finally I caught her and found semen in her underwear that I knew did not come from me and everything was out...still she would only admit to that one time/first time...and she said she would end it...did not really end it as they were still chatting...just being more secretive...she was VERY depressed...talked me into letting her see him again just as a friend...just for closure (I am a sucker)...I told her I just wanted honesty from her first and foremost...well she started seeing her "friend" as often as possible...I started monitoring her much more closely and found all of the dirty details...a lot of the history.
Once I found all of this I tried to DB for awhile but could not deal with her going out to see OM and made ultimatums...either me or him. I refused to live in the situation...was killing me. She decided to move out...actually she got her apartment yesterday and will be totally out Saturday. She claims it is not about OM...she just wants her freedom...she has never really been out on her own. She thinks that after a year on her own she will want to come back to me and be married again...I am moving towards divorce...I think there is so much damage I could never see her the same way again and never trust her.
At this point I am just grieving...she is leaving S3 with me so she can have total freedom (I am happy to have my S). I do not know what else to do except let her go. I have given up on her...still very hard some days but I need to accept reality.
You can read my entire sitch from the start in this thread...I was pretty much on this board from discovery of the A.
Good luck in your situation...if you need support just post away. I don't know how much help I am since I was not able to save my marriage...but at least I felt like I made the choice. I do think I would have done it much differently...if anything I would have been less of a blubbering needy idiot at the start and been more of a man and stood my ground but I think it is kind of a natural reaction. The funny thing is I think if I really DB-ed now I could win my wife back in a year (she has told me repeatedly this is what she wants)...but I don't think I want this anymore...I just want a clean as possible divorce...try to remain friends with her for S3s sake and move on with my life...start over with a clean slate with someone else.
"Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth."
