I reacted to this thread because I felt my situation was in many ways similar to your H's, and that my POV could help you understand his.
Your - very moving - post leads me to believe that the supposed similarities in our situations are in fact purely superficial, whereas the differences are very profound. Which, in turn, means that most probably nothing in my experience can help you to understand your H.
This was an error of appreciation on my part, for which I hope you will accept my apologies. As I wrote before, you have my deepest sympathy, and I sincerely hope you find a solution to your current predicament.
Amicably,
Alphamole.
PS I didn't expect you to reply because I felt retrospectively that I had been OTT, not because I didn't think you had the guts... I think you have proved that you are not lacking in that department.
