Yes, ask again. She doesn't want the A hanging over her head...interesting. CM, does or is she planning on getting married to the OM soon? Does it seem that way to you?
She says she is not in a R w/ the other man. They are just friends w/ benefits. She says over and over that she is not ready for a relationship and that they scare her.
I'm pretty sure that her family would alienate her if she decided to be with this man. But, then again who knows? He might have told her that he can't continue sexual relations until she is D. I don't see her getting married to him soon....but stranger things have happened.
She did tell me about 4 weeks ago that he is head over heels for her. I'm thinking it's the other way around. She loves to be wanted.
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
...Oh, my, gosh...This is better than a movie, what pure entertainment. Sad, but, self destruction never is pretty. Do you honestly believe the m. bush stopped? I don't. There seems to be an enormous amount of immaturity.
I'm fine. I had a great dinner, Shrimp Scampi, my absolute favorite, btw. I could eat it for days, actually two, then I would get bored with it. Lol.
No, have not communicated with XH. I did see him about a month ago, going into Publix, major grocery store here. I had just pulled in. I put the car in reverse and went to another one. Just didn't want to have any sightings. He was alone, but still...he looked good, healthy, etc.
How are you doing? I think there are a few here, that need some legal advice. Don't think I want to free you of your services...however, my state is no-fault, we don't deal with seperations. Heck, we don't even have to tell the S until signing time...lol, lol, lol. So, I leave all that to you Sir Esquire...Dr. of Jurisprudence.
It is funny. I think MB has.. the not sleeping thing. I dont know.. just my thought. For some reason I always give the benefit of the doubt.
It must be nice to live in an area where fresh seafood is readily available. I had that opportunity once when I lived in Charleston, SC.
I am ok. I try to avoid giving any legal advice on the threads.. unless it is something desperate. I dont do alot of DR work anymore btw. I stopped most of it when I had kids and also had the W's MH issues pop up. Although I did have a client come into the office this week who after 35 years of M.. well it was time ! You just never know ?
What do you think you would do the next time around in your situation ? What age were you married ? I assume in your early 20's... Just curious and I dont mean to pry btw.
Actually, I didn't feel that I looked that great. You know, shorts, sneakers, sunglasses, etc. Next time, if it should happen, I will be friendly and say Hi. Whatever.
Aw, Charleston...how beautiful. My father went to the Citadel, graduated w/degree in Chemical Engineering, then went to Law School there, met my mother, etc.
The cadets were awesome. My uncle went as well, he had such a sense of humor; he would wear red patterned boxers under his cadet white pants...they suspended him.
Yes, I was in my 20's. Got my degrees, then started working, then got married.
I love shrimp and lobster. No, I don't hang out at Red Lobster...lol, lol. I don't eat red meat, not after hearing how long it takes to digest. Yuck!!! I'm more chicken, veggies, seafood.
The MB btw, is not going to win you know. It's a dead case. I would out of curiosity like to know what the job is; probably, navy-blue collar. Lol, Lol.
12102006, Saw some of your posts here and thought you had a lot to say about things and gave some pretty good advice. I like your honesty about what you think about situations. Was wondering if you could look over my sitch and tell me what you think about it and any advice you could give. I have both links below. I would appreciate it. Please post in my #2 thread if you can. Anyone else wishing to weigh in would be great as well. I love getting any and all advice/opinions that I can.
Thanks.
If you aren't a little scared of your dreams...then they aren't big enough.
Me: 38 XW: 37 M: 3 1/2 years Together 7 1/2 years Son: 8 Bomb: June/2006 Papers sent to me: March/2007 D Final: June 19th, 2007
Sorry, but I think your thread is locked, I couldn't reply to it. So, here's my synopsis of it all:
I'll probably be the only person to back you up - you should have walked away in the beginning. I am with you on not wanting to continue the R while she was pregnant with her boyfriend's child. Major red flag!!! However, it seems a little strange she didn't tell you until 3 mos. later. Not in this day and age. One month, okay, but by the second she knew. It seems she panicked when you were going to pull away. Assuming - you had long talks about choices; it was her decision and hers alone to put the child up for adoption. Where was the father? Did she even tell him? It s/b between him and her. You did nothing wrong, as far as I can tell.
Should you have been more empathetic towards her? Yes. That was a difficult thing to do. The child is in a very loving home now, that's the bottom line. She'll never forget what she did. That's understandable.
But...it seems like your R was built on lies from day 1. Could it have been your child?
My concern, is that she seems, to be playing Leap Frog with men - always searching for someone else to relieve her of her own unhappiness. That said, I would add, also that you both probably never really loved each other from the "get-go".
Jump to now - You both have a child together, the M is extremely rocky, she's unhappy, and you're unhappy.
Do follow all of the DB principles, stay with your C and if you can, keep talking to the DB coach. They will help you a lot.
Finances - Tighten up the checkbook i.e. have money for all household expenditures, but open up a savings acct. that neither one touches, also start a college fund for your son. Let there be just enough left to tide you over for the rest of the month. This has to be done with an honest sit down talk, about saving money for the future. Don't talk anything near the R route.
Let her know, you are very serious about this.
You know about your anger (stop) how to do 180's etc. The Om, you know, not to focus on - just focus on you and your son. Why didn't she go with you to see your parents?
Yes, she is squalling away money for something...not a good sign.
Yes, she feels awful about the adoption choice, but I will assume you did not push her into it. She has more on her mind right now, beides the adoption...keep your eyes open.
Continue to work on the areas that she pointed out to you in the beginning - that she feels that drove her away from you mentally.
Empathize, listen, empathize, listen, etc.
Be nice, sweet, don't argue...she doesn't need that right now.
Let me know how things go...but, keep your eyes open, or she may leap again...
Good luck...I hope this helps a little. My opinion only.
Thanks CM !
