Well, has any of the sitchs helped? How are you holding up?
Mine was about my H who asked me one night if I was having an A. I told him yes. He left, stayed away two nights then came back and said he wanted a D. So, I did not say anything - went out to get every book written. Then told him I didn't want to get D. He never wanted to talk about it. I eventually moved out - did the quick claim deed to the house after we agreed on a dollar amt. Then I found out he was having an A the whole time as well. The Op on his part moved into the house with him. I had left a few things there, my parents went to get them. They said he had a gun in the back of his pants. Both of my parents are lawyers...so that didn't go over too well. He got rid of the gun...my parents got my things etc. My mother handled my end of the D. When we got D he had to bring over the papers to my parents law firm, he tells them what I did, but fails to mention what he did. We have crossed paths several times and his look is so peevished.
Bottom line, we still love each other, it didn't work out, we each went our seperate ways, memories are there, but I do like my freedom. I can stand on my own. My motto is one of: I wish him well...I forgave myself, then I forgave him. Will I ever marry again? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. Tis far better to loved and lost, than never to have loved at all...no resentments, no anger, just me. I had an A and a WAS. Double-bind. But I am fine.
Yes, I have found all of these threads to be of help. When things get wacky. I simply go over to the MLC Party Thread btw... they "validate" sometimes.
I feel better about myself when I can be of help to someone else as that is my nature and that is why I went to Law School. So.. yes that helps too.
Not everyone needs to divorce if they have problems.. and I also feel for the kids in these R's ( I have three btw).
Tis far better to find yourself no matter what btw ! That is my motto.
If and when the papers show up do I let her know or do I wait till she asks?
I am still dealing with a lot of anger with her. Could this be guilt? She has been super angry since the conference this morning and what she said to me about it being all her fault was the first I've heard out of her mouth.
I will lay of the compliments. She does like that reassurance though. I will let the OM do that for her if he does. If I get a compliment from her do I give one back or do I just bite my tongue and give one at a later time?
Thanks and sorry to bombard you with questions......
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
Yes, I know what you mean. It is a good feeling to help people. In my sitch, being a double, I think what helped me the most, was the fact that I had a good upbringing. With that, only I could help my own sitch change; it was what I had to do.
Mind you, I did all the crazies in the beginning, but when I focused on my part, it was then the "lightbulb" clicked on. Basically, when you step back - it's common sense. The mind is really powerful...the id, ego and the super ego. Unless, one realizes the control and negativity of what your brain is doing, you can't begin to understand. The super ego tries to dominate, for control, when the conflict begins. Thus, the turmoil, out of control feelings, anger, fear. It's defense mechanisms that won't let go - but the ego plays the opposite. So, they both fight for control. The Id is what really controls logic.
My H couldn't see his pain b/c he saw mine. Btw, I had played a really old song after the D. Aretha Franklin's Whose Zooming Who...it was quite uplifting.
Yes, I hate to see everyone going through these sitchs. But...on the bright side, I feel that I can interject at some point, when I see someone going down the wrong path. Also, I find that men have no clue whatsoever, as to why a W cheats. Btw, almost half of the gender are females.
If my H would have looked closer at himself, we would have salvaged our M. But...at least I know now, what it could have been; who knows, maybe he'll walk back in one day. Heck he only lives 2 miles from me...but then, we will be two different people.
First - when the papers come, don't call her that they have arrived. Act like it's junk mail - just leave it. She has an idea when they will get there. Let her call you and ask.
She's angry now b/c you both were called on the carpet about your daughter. She's feeling angry b/c it makes her "feel" like a bad mother. That is tremendous guilt. Stay away...let her feel this. If you go near her it will be like pulling apart two pitbulls fighting each other. You'll get slashed and further alienate her.
If you get anymore compliments, just accept them. Women don't usually accept a compliment, just after they give one to someone else, it seems too fake. It seems like the other person said a compliment, back, just to be polite.
Do go on with your plans for this weekend. The papers can wait until Monday. I would not deal with them at work. Also, look at the originals, no copies.
