Yes, I know what you mean. It is a good feeling to help people. In my sitch, being a double, I think what helped me the most, was the fact that I had a good upbringing. With that, only I could help my own sitch change; it was what I had to do.
Mind you, I did all the crazies in the beginning, but when I focused on my part, it was then the "lightbulb" clicked on. Basically, when you step back - it's common sense. The mind is really powerful...the id, ego and the super ego. Unless, one realizes the control and negativity of what your brain is doing, you can't begin to understand. The super ego tries to dominate, for control, when the conflict begins. Thus, the turmoil, out of control feelings, anger, fear. It's defense mechanisms that won't let go - but the ego plays the opposite. So, they both fight for control. The Id is what really controls logic.
My H couldn't see his pain b/c he saw mine. Btw, I had played a really old song after the D. Aretha Franklin's Whose Zooming Who...it was quite uplifting.
Yes, I hate to see everyone going through these sitchs. But...on the bright side, I feel that I can interject at some point, when I see someone going down the wrong path. Also, I find that men have no clue whatsoever, as to why a W cheats. Btw, almost half of the gender are females.
If my H would have looked closer at himself, we would have salvaged our M. But...at least I know now, what it could have been; who knows, maybe he'll walk back in one day. Heck he only lives 2 miles from me...but then, we will be two different people.
