thanks for the input 121, I really did go off the deep end. I did call warning him to disregard the tm, but all my msgs got there at the same time. Anyways, he actually was concerned and asked me if I was OK, it is so unlike me to go that cucko, so at least he does know I wasn't myself. We had a talk, about what we already talked about before, I am not going to get anything genuine from him w/my desperation, he tells me to relax and that he still has his guard wayyy high because of the manipulation he's experience and actully <gasp> admited he needs to get over it.
Anyways, my head is much clear now, back to work.
...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
piecing after separation
I hope you had a good day today. I am so sorry for the confusion yesterday. I was reading everything you were posting so differently and one item at a time ! So silly.. I am working on my thesis at the moment.. as usual..
Today, at work (oops!), I did my semi-annual thing. I ordered my new supply of lingerie from Victoria's Secret. Then, I started thinking, has anyone really thought how important outside appearances are? I mean, really thought about it? We work and concentrate at the "inner" level, but, what about the exterior level? All of us read about physical change, yah-dee-dah, but how many really listen?
So, here's my 2 cents:
When we first starting dating our S's, we put our "best" foot forward. How many of us, right now, look like we could go up to a stranger and try to smooth talk them into a date? Right now, how many? Very few, I would say!!!
Some of you may need to "refresh" yourselves.
Ladies: Do you wear the same hairstyle that you did years ago? Is the color faded, gray or just blah...? Do you sleep in old T-shirts, granny p.j.'s, or nightgowns from 10 years ago? Do you wear "rollers" (Forget that), night cremes (Dermatologists say the skin absorbs anything for about 20 minutes, then stops), wear scuungi's to hold the hair up, not keep your legs shaved, etc? Wear the old "comfortable" jeans with stains, rips, from 1912? Have you been measured for new bras, that s/b done yearly. Hint: If your "chest" falls to the bend at your elbow, you have no support. Have you "updated" your lingerie? Get rid of the old panties and bras - add colors, new styles, lace. It really will make you feel better.
Men: Same thing, get rid of those shorts that no longer look anything close to wearable. Need a haircut? Get one. Check your nails, do you need a manicure? Don't worry, it's called being metro-sexual. Do you still belch, or anything else, that "once" seemed funny, but now the S thinks disgusting? Do you wear "tidy-whities" or boxers that needed to see the garbage can, six months ago? Buy new ones, no your S doesn't have to do this, you can all on your own. Get some colors, patterns, or just new white ones. Any hair where there shouldn't be? Teeth yellow due to smoking or drinking? Try Crest's White strips or pay to have them lasered white (around $350.00).
All these little silly things make a difference...plus if anyone is guilty of the above, the change will make you feel better. If you can honestly say that your "look" today, is the way the S's first saw you when you dated, then good for you...if not, work on it. A little heavier than before? Lose it. Too skinny, gain some weight.
Obviously, the major work needs to be focused on our own neglects to our S's, but appearances are very much part of that.
If you're a stay at home mom/dad; when your S comes home from work are you clean looking? House cleaned? Kids bathed? Did you take the time to brush your teeth? Did you put on something fresh?
If your S lives apart from you: Do they call before coming over, or have a pattern when they do show up? Be prepared.
This doesn't mean to break the household account or look like a Prom Queen or King 24/7. It means to keep your "persona" in tact. If you're not sure about anything, just ask yourself, would you look like you do, or wear that on a date with your S?
Good points 12102006. But, I might have a problem. When I married my W I had long hair but it started thinning on top so I cut it short. To go back long I would look like David Crosby without the gray.
My W doesn't live with me but she sees me occasionally at work. Last time she saw me she said I looked good and she liked the goatee. She keeps commenting on how much weight I've lost and I'm back down to when we met. I've gotten some new duds an grown some different facial hair. And "primped" some other areas of my body.
My W on the other hand is constantly getting manicures and pedicures and tanning. She is like her mother in the fact that they are miserable on the outside and buy things for that temporary fix. She used to say this about her own mom and now she does it.
I don't think my W feel for me b/c of my awesome looks. When we met I had the nickname Bart Manson...I looked like Charlie Manson and was yellow like Bart Simpson. She said that I was safe and a friend first. Someone who looked past her "baggage". And now she says she married me to escape.....hmmmmm I wonder why she is so enamored with the OM? Escape maybe? Sorry...just a bit of anger.
I always like what you have to say 12102006. Maybe I should start shaving my legs!
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
CM: Shaving legs ?.. That would be the " Bart Marilyn Charles Manson- Simpson "look then ? Probably not a good thing.. unless you were able to get a good tan ? and manicure.
I fully agree with you on this one and back in my separation/divorce a big part of GALing was looking incredible. It's a huge boost to the ego.
This advice is something I used to recommend quite a bit on the separation board. I know it drove my husband absolutely crazy to see me looking so great. Also, sometimes I'd come home while he was here with the kids (just wating for me to get back) and I'd pull phone numbers out of my pocket and dump them in the trash. He'd get this concerned, sort of crazed look. It was priceless.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Good idea. Be careful about the phone numbers - he might call one. My H had a card in his wallet and I saw it when I was in my snooping days. He said it was a hair salon he went to for cutting his hair. It was a bar, he and his employees went to after work. My H owns a Porsche / Audi dealership. Obviously I called the phone number, but never let him know that I did.
.. and no.. I did not stay up all night ! 
Geez.. sorry 1210 ! 
