thanks whatisis, maybe I should, he'll be reading it in about 3hrs, I was wondering what do do? I really meant everyword I said but I spit it out in a horrible way.
It pretty much said that I was going to give his wine a try to numb my pain (I don't drink nor gotten drunk in my life) that it was sad how he trusted that f'ing whore w/his health (had unprotected sex) when she didn't even want a serious R w/him (would make him only call her friend, didnt' want to be call 'girlfriend' ) but here I was, giving him my all and he still could not even forgive me (he told me that night he still didnt' trust me) for finding out (went through his locke room & found out he had a PA instead of an EA) he was screwing and dining a sorry excuse for a woman. . . then, I went in for the kill, I -yes, stupidly- the night before wanted him to tell me how much better i was than her in bed, to tell me some thing, ANYthing to make me believe he likes being w/me and that I make him feel good or even better... he wouldnt' do it, told me we were diffent people and that he just didn't know what to say to me; so I ended the text msg with "well, at least she was a much better piece of a$$"
That is NOT the person I am, i never talked that way, nor drink nor curse, but I lost it, I want to mostly blame my pms hormones but the fact that he still doesn't validate me nor make me feel like he at least cares for me by talking/holding me made me loose my judgement and forget that clawing at my H for affection isnt' going to work.
...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
piecing after separation
