LBS...STOP

[12102006]

Atty T

Yes, I agree...there comes a point when you cut the loss
b/c it will really bring you down. What's the point of
even trying...that is a lost cause, if I ever saw one.

Re: You wrote something very similar to mine yesterday -
it was quite spooky...how are you doing? Did you ever
get my e-mail about the m. bush?

[attorneytom]

Yes it did ! You hit the nail on the head with M. Bush btw.. atleast that is how it is appearing.

Tom

[attorneytom]

Just to continue on with your Thread J.. to throw out some Q's for discussion and thoughts..

Why does the LBS act like this ? Are men worse at understanding how to correct the behavior than women ?

Tom

[grasshopper]

I have seen you popping up here and there, usually hitting nails on their heads and this thread is no different. Wonderful, simply wonderful.

There are too many well-meaning people here talking the talk but failing where it counts the most, and that's getting up the nerve, courage and strength to walk.

So much pain, so much anger and so little action to do something about it.

It's not mean to point that out. It's probably the most compassionate, loving thing anyone here can do for the rest.

Thank you so much.

GH

[attorneytom]

It is extremely compassionate, helpful and loving, GH ! You do the same thing btw. You are a good guy !

Tom

[whatisis]

Tom, I think men are not very used to being overwhelmed by feeling. We've been taught to put it away and when something so devastating hits , we're overwhelmed. Males aren't used to looking for emotional support, we play poker with the boys or watch the tube to unwind. Males are also taught NOT to allow disrespect and that anger is an appropriate response to any such action. I think betrayal by your partner is considered pretty high on the disrespect scale and males feel pretty helpless in dealing with it. That kind of attacks our manhood. My W is in an A with another woman, I don't know how I would be dealing with this if it were another guy. I don't even like to think about it. So, for what they are worth, those are my thoughts on your question.

[12102006]

Atty T and GrassH;

Gosh people, you're making me out to be Dr. Phil; I'm not
btw. Thank you both for the kind statements.

GH - I, like AttyTom, got fed up with some DB's b/c of
the lack of effort they put into practice. Granted, some
lack the education, some have substance abuse, but the
worst are the ones who keep asking what to do over and
over, but will not try...
Therefore, I simply spelled out the obvious...

Tom - LBS have an anxiety problem dealing with the issues.
Some cannot see their part in it. The LBS's are terrified
that if the S leaves - they will no longer live, they will
be lost forever. They feel that their whole world evolves
around the S - take that away, you have a parallel to
death. They feel that they will no longer be able to
function.

Which is the worse of the two evils, men or women? That
depends. I look at it as such:

1. Men try to hide their emotions
2. Generally, women don't - they can't hide it
3. Society says men aren't men if they blubber
4. Women will fall deeper, all at once, into the hole
5. Men will gradually fall ever so slowly
6. Women, do this to purge themselves of the pain, so
they are more dramatic about it; but they also
heal alot more quickly b/c of it
7. Men, if they fall into a deep hole, take longer to
get out of it - slow resilience to the pain "society"
says they should not feel
8. But, both, if they melded their whole being into the
other S w/o keeping their own individualism, will find
the detaching to be like a lobotomy w/o anesthesia.

I hope that answers some of your questions, if not post
back with more specifics.

Thanks again guys,
Welcome back GH, from your weekend...

[grasshopper]

Indeed.

GH

[12102006]

AT:

You are too, too funny...ouch!!! that knife hurt.

Well said, well said, well said...touche!!!!!

[Tiara Boy (CM)]

1. Men try to hide their emotions
2. Generally, women don't - they can't hide it
6. Women, do this to purge themselves of the pain, so
they are more dramatic about it; but they also
heal alot more quickly b/c of it

I have agreed with everything you have said. I agree with this except in my situation. As I've stated, my W disassociates her feelings. She always has. She is a recovering methamphetamine user and they have a tendency to do this. You never see her cry, even before this sitch. She bottles up her feelings and won't release them. Her wanting to D is a result of her "running" from her emotions. She has even said this.

I on the other hand, am an emotional guy. I have learned not to be afraid to "blubber". It has been harder for me during this sitch for some reason, but I am trying to "feel" more. It is a release for me as it should be. I have been a so called tail chaser...but I'm getting better. AT and GH have helped me with this as well as many, many others on this board.

Thanks for everything you post!