Quote: Have you gotten ANY indication from your XH that he would EVER feel for you again? Any indication of regret for marrying OW? What are your ages? How do the kids feel about things/him?
Both of my kids are in their 20's and married with homes of their own. No grandkids. They have settled into the status quo. For their sake, I have set my feelings aside, and do not have them pick between us, by making it seem like it's not a big deal to have both their parents present at the same time. It's all very civilized, and got it's start when we had to plan for their college graduations and weddings. Life goes on, and while there is a "legal" divorce, we are at least always bound by our children. He may have been a lousy husband, but always a good father, in doing what is right by them. It's not the easiest thing to do for me, but from all I've read about divorce and kids parents working together is what is best for them. I think they take it as a sign that both mom and dad have "moved on" My kids have a relationship with both of us, individually and together. And unfortunately have a relationship with the OW. That is kind of a "don't ask don't tell" I don't ask and they don't tell me, and I guess that's the best for all of us.
As for your question of getting indications from him, well there are small ones. We can laugh and reminse together at parties (when the OW is either not there or if she's at the party some place else) and now and again I see that old twinkle in his eye. I know this much, he is not the same with me, when she is next to him. So if there is hope for us, who knows. I'm banking on the high failure rate of second marriages that start as affairs and hoping to be around to pick up the pieces when it does break up. And I'll admit at the risk of being called the OW by some here, that if I have an opportunity to help that along, I'll take it. (BTW calling me an OW when it comes to him is an oxymoron, since I can never be the OW under God's eyes because I am still the wife until death do us part, and SHE is the one that is and always will be the OW. God's law supercedes man's rules in my book)
Don't get me wrong, there has to be changes in our relationship. I don't want the "old marriage" back. I understand very well, my role in the demise and as much as I want him back, I am no longer the doormat I once was. I realize by the way OW is with him, that by being a doormat for years, I did myself and our marriage no favors. As a person, I'm alot stronger and no longer tolerate the behaviors from others that I once did. In rebuilding our marriage, it will be up to him to pursue me, that much I've learned.
