To answer your question, my ex has been married a year.

Thanks to all who have posted for your understanding and support.

I know that am preaching to the choir when I say that divorce sucks and rebuilding your life is not easy. In answer to some of your questions, I do have a life, and I do keep busy. It's not about that. It's about still loving him and still wanting him to be a part of my life. Do I sit around, mope and wait around? No way! I work, I do have girlfriends to go to the movies and shopping. Although it may not come across here, for the most part I am a positive person. If you were to ask people I work with and my friends, I am one of those that indeed has "moved on". I learned long ago, that after awhile, people just don't want to hear how I really feel. So I've come here I guess to vent, and to get out what I can't say.

As I think more about it, I know it's the holidays that I especially dread. It's the in your face contact with the OW at family gatherings that unfortunately will be there as long as that piece of paper so called marriage exists. The truth is that I still love him and always will. He is the love of my life. It hurts to see him, not better off, but worse off with her. He has aged, looks stressed, gained even more weight, started smoking again, and with the way and what he eats, I can only imagine what his cholesterol and heart numbers look like. I know that all this is his choice, and something I have no control over. It is a blessing that at least I don't have to see him slowly destroying himself on a daily basis. It's almost like out of sight out of mind, if you know what I mean. I go through my daily life without him in it, I hate to put it this way, but almost as if he were dead. It's dealing with the reality, that he is not, and he is with her, when he should be with me, because we made a life-time commitment to each other in the good times and bad.

I guess what still bothers me is how disposible marriage is, even among those who advocate it. Move on, somehow always equals forgeting the vows, and forgetting the man. Perhaps its the way of self-perservation of those that are to survive this thing called divorce. All I can say is that I tried that, been there and it just didn't work for me.

I don't know what I expect people here to say. Nothing really. It's more a way to vent, to get my feelings out. I know that divorcebusting is about finding solutions. I don't know what the solution is for a broken heart, or if it can ever be mended. Maybe this isn't the place to say this, but maybe there just isn't a solution.