hi This is my first post here. I've been lurking on the board for about a year, and finally mustered the courage to post something.
I've been divorced now for 5 yrs and still am not "over it" like everyone seems to think I should be. I know I sound really pathetic but my ex is still the love of my life and even though I have tried, I can't get passed the fact that he is my number 1 choice and anyone else will be second.
My ex and I were married for 22 years, had 2 children and he had an affair with ow and divorced me. He and ow got married last year. I tried everything to save my marriage, went to counseling with him but nothing worked. A year after my divorce, I met a wonderful guy, we dated and even lived together for two years. We broke up a year ago. The truth is that as wonderful as he was, my heart just wasn't in it like it should have been and it just wasn't fair to him. He deserved better than someone that could not give 100%.
So here I am back to square 1.
The truth is that I still want my ex back. I think I screwed up by getting involved with someone after my divorce and not standing like so many do. I was so hurt and rejected that when this guy came along, I fell hard. In the end, I realized that what I really wanted was my husband back and that this poor guy could never be him.
My ex and I are Catholic. No one ever filed for an annulment, and we both have talked about the fact that we believe that we had the sacrament so do so is pointless. Techinically in the eyes of my church we are still married. His current civil marriage with ow may be legal but it is invalid.
They say that second marriages that start off as affairs have a high faliure rate. That is my hope.
Anyway that's my situation. My contact with him is minimal at best. Our children are grown, and when I see him its at a family function at one of their houses. The holidays are coming and I may see him then. Where do I go from here?
