I'm truly sorry about your situation. I feel like I'm in a similar one with the pain and hurt and anger eating away at you everyday. Before reading your post, and the responses above, I was considering confronting my wife with her online affair, but now I think it would only drive her away.
I've only been at this for a few weeks, and it's tearing me apart. I admire you for your courage and ability to stay the course for nine whole months. You should be commended for that effort alone. I think it's the hardest thing in the world to learn to keep your distance from your spouse when all you want to do is make things right, but I think those who have posted above have the right idea. Remember, patience isn't a virtue, it's a necessity. Take some time out. Find a way to vent the pain safely, and take some time for yourself. Spend time on yourself because you want to.
It isn't easy, I know. I spent the entire day with my wife yesterday, and we had a great time: talking, watching videos, holding hands. It was good, and my heart sang. Then she sent a couple of emails to her online OM, and I was crushed. I didn't see the emails, I just knew who they were too because of her body language. Now I'm miserable and trying to find the way to go, but your situation has inspired me to try harder. I'm not going to give up, and neither should you. I would encourage you not to count the days, weeks, or months that go by, as I think this may depress you. Just focus on each day.
