Where everybody knows your name...but not really

[MJontheMend]

Does this sound like what you are going through?

Sort of.(LOL) I think maybe the differences in our situations at this point might simply be due to the fact that I'm still going with a schedule. My H said something on Wednesday that I know will crack you up. He approached me in the morning and said "Do you want to plan to hook up later this evening? I'm not really in the mood right now but you know how we are.". So maybe the normal successful resolution of any SSM is just getting to that point of acceptance where "We know how we are." and doing whatever is necessary to deal with that reality in a way that benefits the marriage. So if you're getting antsy after two weeks with no sex, you might be able to jokingly, nicely say to Mr.HP "Hey,it's been two weeks since we got together. You know how I get after two weeks. I don't think you want to experience again how I get after three weeks.". OTOH, the same sort of awareness could allow you to say to MrHP "Hey, it's been a week since we got together but I know that you have a big project due Friday at work that is stressing you out so why don't we make plans now to get together on Saturday?". The only bad thing about this kind of acceptance is that it kind of permanently consigns you to the role of either being the HD or LD spouse and that might not always be the case. For instance, Saturday morning I was working at my computer and my H came up and asked me about breakfast. I answered him sort of absent-mindedly. Then he said "Never mind. Something else has come up.". I looked over at him and he had a raging hard-on. So I good-humoredly said "Would you like me in the bedroom then?" and he said "I just wanted to indicate that I was at your disposal.". It struck me as odd that he was still consigning me the role of the HD spouse even though he was the one standing there with a spontaneous raging hard-on and I was just unhornily working at my computer. This made me think of many of the encounters you've described with MrHP.