Where everybody knows your name...but not really

[MJontheMend]

I don’t think you misjudged your drive. I think it varies with the sitch.

Oh, I'm certain my drive varies with the situation. I was just saying that I misjudged what my drive would be once things were otherwise going well for the most part and I was at least semi-confident that there wouldn't be a sex shortage in the near future. I tend to link this variability more with fear of deprivation than anger, however. I think that when I'm operating in famine-mode I become a "biscuit hoarder" or like a squirrel frantically hiding away nuts for the winter even though rationally I know there is no way to save up a stash of sexual satisfaction. Perhaps, sexuality is an area in which most people tend to be somewhat childish, so like a good parent, the best thing (though perhaps not the most exciting thing) a sexual partner can offer is caring, consistency in behavior and response.

Another thought I had was that I'm finally understanding this whole "boundaries" theory. It seems to me that the only "true" boundaries a person can have are those that they are willing to enforce. It's not really a matter of either having strong boundaries or weak boundaries. For instance, I used to have a pretty strong boundary about sex that went "If you don't initiate sex with me for two weeks, I will initiate sex and if you turn me down I will cry.". the problem with this boundary wasn't its lack of strength but its inability to increase my marital happiness in anything resembling the long run and also the fact that I was only semi-conscious of the fact that I was enforcing this boundary. I needed to become conscious of the fact that I would be happier if I were able to enforce a different boundary. I guess I'm still trying to figure out what that boundary might be.