Where everybody knows your name...but not really

[MJontheMend]

Over the last week I've sort of been in the mode where I've been observing what's actually going on in my relationship rather than my emotional reaction to what's going on. The conclusion I've come to is that maybe I simply don't have enough horny-joy juice to be the HD half of a twice-a-week-scheduled-sex couple. Maybe I'm just sort of a normal sex drive woman who needs the loan of some testosterone to even maintain the national twice a week average. God knows I used to be driven insane by the fact that our old marital pattern was go two weeks without, I initiate and then I get turned down more than 50% of the time. However, the fact of the matter is that our old pattern didn't allow me to gain insight into what the top end of my desire curve might be in a long term committed relationship (as opposed to the top end of my desire curve at 21 doing it with a new boyfriend). Turns out that if I have sex on Saturday and then again on Wednesday, on Thursday I'm more likely to be passionately considering the new Thompson & Morgan seed catalogue then fantasizing about my next sexual encounter. So where do I get the will or drive to be the boundary enforcer of a twice a week schedule when that's really all the sex I need? OTOH I know that if I am unwilling to enforce any sort of boundary about sex it is highly likely that my H will just fall into his old pattern of LD neglect of the matter altogether.

Here is my analogy. It's kind of like I was thoroughly fed up about how messy the house was so I called a family meeting and said that we need to clean house thoroughly every Wednesday and Saturday but after a few weeks the house was looking pretty good and it wasn't getting too messy by Wednesday if it was done on Saturday so I started getting lax because just the little bit of spiffing up that might be needed didn't seem worth the trouble of being the cleaning schedule enforcer.

So my thought is that I just ought to cop to the fact that I miscalculated my desire and suggest that we switch to a "If we don't do it on Wednesday we certainly do it on the weekend" schedule.

P.S. It's interesting to consider that I still don't know at what level I might actually become LD. It seems as though twice a week is the limit of my active drive but that still leaves open the question of the limit of my receptive/passive or responsive sexuality. My theory is that it would be pretty high not due to anything biological but simply due to the fact that I'm the kind of person who when asked " Do you want to go see this movie?" or " Do you want to go to this restaurant?" usually reflexively says "Yes" and doesn't regret it.