LG - You don't have kids - the single biggest factor I think in most cases here where the wife waits patiently for the WAS to figure things out. In a case like yours, I think it's a mistake to wait patiently. The longer he gets to have his cake and eat it too, the more involved he will get with his addictive behaviors with other women.
He came back to you at first because you started a mini-last resort. Now that he's back, though, he's continuing these behaviors that are incredibly destructive to your R.
Now mind you, many returned WASs take a while before they can let go completely of the oW. But your H sounds like he's actually escalating in some ways, and is telling you to your face that he won't stop.
I think it's time to CALMLY set some boundaries. It has NOTHING to do with controlling HIM, and everything to do with what you choose for your own life.
I'd tell him something like: "H, I think that it's becoming clear that what I want out of life is not compatible with what you currently want. You want to maintain a relationship with me but continue these inappropriate friendships with other women on the side. I don't choose to be in a marriage where I am sharing my husband with other women. It's not fair to me, and it puts my own physical health in danger as well.
I love you, and I would love to rebuild our marriage into the healthy joyful relationship I know it could become. Perhaps at some point in the future you may feel the same, and if I am still single at that point, I would consider giving reconciliation a try. Right now, however, I do not choose to be in your life while you are involved with other women."
Keep it calm, simple, and all about what YOU choose.
And if you DO plan to have children in the future, give some serious thought to whether this guy is really the best choice for the father of your children. What happens when he hits 40 or 50 and has a midlife crisis? What devastation might that wreak on your children? You're young and accomplished - you have plenty of options.
Either way - I think he's more likely to come back to you - if you ewant him - if you quit pursuing and look like you're moving on.
