You know, when I tell myself to just not care anymore and let it go, the knot in my stomach eases and I don't feel quite as anxious. I've been so sickly over the past month that I've lost 15 lbs. I have been physically ill every day for the past 6 days (no, I'm not pregnant). Maybe this M needs to be over for my benefit. Should I be that selfish? Would I regret it later? Would I rationalize my actions so that I could feel better about them? Or would I honestly feel like I did the right thing? Of course I'd miss H and the times we had together, but I wonder if I'd feel more relief than sadness. Immediate relief, to be followed by bone-deep sadness and regret? Or immediate relief that mellows into satisfaction with my decisions?
No one can tell me what to do, obviously, but I'm wondering if you all felt like this and how you dealt with it. I'm trying very hard not to make any impulsive decisions, but I think if I had to decide today, I'd be gone.
