I'm leaving work at 3 today for my individual counseling appointment and then I'm immediately heading to the bookstore for the books. I can't wait to start reading them.
I just am feeling so apprehensive about the whole thing. I love H with all my heart, but I have panic attacks when I think about what the coming months will bring. Is he coming back to go through the motions so that he can say he tried, but still leave anyway? How long will he keep OW in the background, waiting for him to leave me? Can people really fall out of love with one person and back in love with someone else just by trying? (While I can see that H is addicted to those first fleeting feeling of new love, he truly believes himself in love with her. He wants to try to "learn" to fall in love with me again - he doesn't even entertain the idea that he's still in love with me but the newness has worn off. Is this situation impossible??) His best friend is now friends with OW and is telling her that she just needs to hold on until H can divorce me and then they can be together. How damaging is he going to be in the coming months? Not just in terms of H talking to him re: our relationship and getting all negative feedback, but in terms of carrying messages back and forth between H and OW?
I feel like a basketcase. Maybe I should take off early today. I think I really need to read DB and DR ASAP!
