I'm wondering if guilt and depression may be fueling your wife's lack of desire.

Prior to the A was there a problem with desire for you? If I'm remembering correctly, you've described her as enjoying more "sedate sex" that's more conservative and traditional. And yet, this is a woman who did go out and have a PA....

Hummmm.... I could be wrong. But could it be that there is a part of her that really desires excitement and nautiness, but just has such guilt with it, or associates marriage with the need to be a "good girl" in the bedroom with the H?

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.