Ouch, Gwyn, that stung a little. Guess I needed that

You're right...I've been doing a lousy job of taking my own advice 100% of the time. I do good 90% though...

We're not pursuing the renewal of vows thing as a quick fix...honestly. We see it as important as a commemoration of our commitment to centering our marriage on God, and simply want our family and friends to be in on it and celebrate it with us because, frankly, it's the best thing we've done.

I agree that things are getting better, generally. It's just that as time goes on I feel more and more dead inside. In a way it kind of helps me understand how she must have felt/must feel...but it kind of freaks me out because while I'm still doing everything I'm supposed to, I usually don't care whether it works or not these days. I know I'm supposed to care, and I want to care, I just don't. I try not to let that affect my behavior and actions though.

I'm kind of hoping things will pick up for both of us again next year. We have a nice time together, but it's sort of like just being best friends. The affection feels forced not only from her side now, but I'm having to force mine a little too, or stop altogether.

I'm trying to keep posting about it here to keep a record and maybe if things get better it will encourage someone else with the same or similar problem.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'