Trust me, you care. Let me share something with you. When I found out about my H A, I did all the wrong things, yelled, cried a lot, cut my H to the core. Now remember, from the day I found out he wanted us to work things out. I was way too angry and I left him. For 10 months. We dated, I still vented, I hated him, I loved him, he never gave up, until one day, I started fussing about his A, he listened for a while and then finally said, you know what? I've had enough. I want a divorse. I was thinking when he said this, now isn't this ironic. He cheated, had an A and he's going to divorce me? Well, the heck he is! That's when things started to turn around for me. It became clear that I may actually loose him. He may actually walk, not me, him! And, I'll tell you right now, if your W walked - you would care!!!
The one thing we on this board knows is that we cannot control what our spouses do. We are not in control of them and they make their own choices. Guess what? So do we! That power has not been lost and you have to realize that your W has those same fears- that you maybe the one to walk. She knows that you have every right to and that's why she's trying so hard!!! She doesn't want to lose you. Now ask yourself this. Do you want to lose her? I hear you, "you would be sad" yada, yada, yada. You will be more than sad!! Think about it. Visualize it.
Look, I'm tempted every day. Why? Because I'm vulnerable right now. I'm an easy target and I'm more aware of people looking at me, smiling at me etc. I think I'm more aware of this because I'm not as committed to my M as I once was. Here's how I overcome the temptations, prayer is without saying, so here's another. I stay away from places that I should not be!!! I stay away from single people, unhappy people and negative people. I have actually cut off contact with a girl friend of mine that has been my friend for 20+ years but I can't take the nagative, doom and gloom talk. I don't know why I'm going off on this but I can almost sense that you don't want to find someone else but you're keeping your options open.
Stay up-beat. Beat the odds. You're doing great, much better than most 4 months into recovery.
