Things get better every day, but we're by no means out of the woods.
My W seems more convinced of this than I am at this point. She seems more confident and optimistic about the future than I'd ever have expected. Ever.
I must confess, it makes me suspicious. The kind of patience and control she exhibited while she was cheating and fooling everyone by severely limiting her contact with OM so that "they could be together in the future" is still kinda scary for someone like me...I'm a "what you see is what you get" kind of person. Have no interest in living secret lives. I'm not smart enough and intuitively know how bad I'd suffer, not to mention everyone else. I like things to be simple...that's why this kind of sitch throws me for a loop.
Maybe it's because that, although we're only 4 months into recovery, her A lasted 3 years so she's been living all these lies for so long that a big part of it is just her being relieved she doesn't have to live the lies anymore.
We've been praying together every day for our kids, each other, friends and family. We've been specifically praying for a few marriages we suspected could use it.
Interestingly enough, we got a call on Halloween night from a member of our extended family, someone who's much wilder than us and who recently got married just a few weeks before my W dropped the B back in the summer. This is someone who never asks us for advice about anything, someone we've been praying for for four months.
She told us that she wants to divorce her husband. Feels nothing for him. They're both miserable. No hope. Huge sense of relief from walking away.
My W and I made a commitment that if we learned anything from this we would share it with anyone who came to us needing help. Looks like we've got our first customer. Everyone she knows tells her, "Yeah, if you're not in love anymore, you might as well bail."
My W stayed on the phone with her an hour or so the first night telling her it could be better than she ever imagined if she gives it her best shot. My W said, You know, if you had come to me about this 5 months ago I would've probably agreed with you. Now I don't.
5 months ago my W was ready to divorce me. Had already seen a lawyer. Even as she told me about her A, she was hoping I'd call it quits, rip our family apart. Now she's the one going against the grain and telling people to stay together and work things out.
These days I manage to confine my frustration to this message board, though. My W treats me better every day. Better, I think, than she's probably ever treated me, even when she was more "in love" with me than she is now.
Not sure what to make of that...although I'm trying to take the advice of some of you wonderful folks out there in DB land and not make anything of it, just enjoy it.
I'm getting there
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
