You're all 100% right. The fact of the matter is I can't be "happy" about this right now, but I realize that's okay, pretty normal actually, and I'm not going to allow myself to jump into the pit of despair over it.
Fact is, I DO appreciate her and can be appreciative of the progress it indicates, and what she's trying to do, and where we hope it takes us. After all this time of reminding myself (and her) that "Hollywood love" is poison, I reckon I assumed we'd just slip back into this stuff easily. And even if I knew it was going to be tough, I didn't expect it to happen the way it has/is/will.
I think the best way I can describe it for me is that while everything on the outside happens at normal speed, on the inside it all happens in slow motion whether I want it to or not. Kinda helps me understand how it must be like for her to gradually open up to me again and let me in. I now understand that she can't simply "will" it into existence any more than I can just "will" myself to jump for joy over the ILY stuff.
However, there's something to be said for easing back into it like slipping into a nice hot jacuzzi. We are grownups after all, and acting on impulse is usually what creates these messes to begin with.
So, thanks for the 2x4s...lumps received with a greatful heart
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
