Journey, Fwiw, my H lashes out at me with respect to child-rearing stuff too, even though my kids are much younger than yours. While it upsets me terribly in the moment, it is not very long after that I say to myself, Hey self don'tcha remember that this is just what he *does*?
(this is where the men should stop reading) Honestly I think he just cannot process emotional stuff and so he just starts picking on the nearest adult--namely me. A couple months ago he was upset at some changes he perceived in D7. He was blaming this that and the other and I stopped him cold by saying, H she's just growing up. She's not the same kid she was a year ago.
He was upset cause she no longer wants to follow him around blindly, now she wants neighborhood kids etc. It really rocked his world and I'm not kidding when I say that a minute later he's wildly looking around for our other daughters. I could see the hamsters spinning in his noggin and the realization: Hey! They're still young!! LOL He's always in such a hurry for them to grow up, constantly talking about it and yet when they do, he's upset.
Anywaaaaay. I wanted to say that if you can keep calm and do not personalize this, you can expose his behavior for what it is pretty easily. Look him right in the eye and say, "I'm just as upset as you are that our baby girl is growing up but attacking me will not make her younger." The trick with someone like your H is to say it with a kind look in your eye and maybe a smile.
People are people, ya know? He may never outgrow this annoying habit of his. If you can keep this in mind and manage to stay calm (I know how hard it is) you may be able to encourage him to stop doing this. If you get upset also, then all he is focused on is the conflict and not his own silly reaction.
honestly, J, I'm not looking forward to the teenage years. My H will do the same as yours and I've already spent a goodly amount of time worrying about it. The day that they display their sexuality, either by their clothes or behavior, he will have a nuclear meltdown. Me...well, it's not so long ago that I was a teenage girl (ok, it really was but let's just let honeypot have her fantasy) so I will probably have more sympathy for them.
Hang in there and don't be afraid to set some nice-but-firm boundaries with H regarding how much responsibility you are willing to assume in your daughter's natural maturing process. Which is a nice way of saying, Didn't he ever do anything stupid when he was younger?? What the heck.....
