Acceptance

[karen1]

Ladies,

Several other books address this same issue. Of course, the Bhuddists refer to "non-attachment" - they never say that you will not have yearnings, in themselves they are not the problem, it is the attachment that is. There is even one book on the whole sex issue that encourages the HD partner to learn to accept and love their own desire whether or not it is reciprocated. It is a good thing to explore probably a whole lot more fruitful than getting caught up in all the whys and wherefores of our significant other's sexuality (especially since our best educated guess can only ever be a partial truth, our SO is the only one in the position to know themselves that way).

Karen

[Lillieperl]

There is even one book on the whole sex issue that encourages the HD partner to learn to accept and love their own desire

Title please?

[karen1]

Lil,

I am trying to remember and right now I can't put my finger on it. When I go home I will peruse the bookshelf and see if I can figure it out.

Karen

[OG_Lou]

Embracing the Sacred Messiness of Life
Sure beats looking for perfection. Good idea Lil.

[InherJourney]

Good morning group.

Last nite I was very tired and so was H...he gets points for initiating. Again, the same thing happened with the lack of O, so somehow I managed to ask him about it, and he said that the O'ing is easy for him ( ?); he was concentrating on my enjoyment, as it doesn't seem that I'm Oing, and he doesn't want to be selfish. He turned the tables back on me( is that the expression?). The truth is, a lot of the time I don't O, but I am truly not looking for that. He said he notices that when I O, my heart rate goes up, but he hasn't seen that lately. So it seems he wants me to O and I want him to O...it's confusing and I can't seem to decipher it all.

[karen1]

Journey,

Hhmmmm - interesting. I'm wondering if this would be a good time to have a discussion where you both verbally surrender to not orgasming and not worrying about it. I mean, this is a great time to just explore sensations with each other and not worry about the outcome (and I bet one or both of you will wind up oing involuntarily). Think youthful petting when there wasn't a goal except feeling one another and seeing what all this was about. I guess I think you have an opportunity for real closeness and intimacy if you let go of the goal. I do understand how disconcerting this can be - it has happened between me and H before. I almost always o so it is weird when I don't. He does too but once in a while he hasn't.

Karen

[InherJourney]

I think you are right...if we both could manage to let go of the insecurities, fears, etc. it will be a good opportunity for intimacy.

I liked your post about expecting a certain amount of dysfunction in a marriage. The good part is that I am beginning to believe we are out of crisis.

[InherJourney]

Hey Lil... What did you think of the Embracing Messiness book?

[Lillieperl]

It's still sitting in my stack of books to get to. We had our book club last week and right before that, I'm always scrambling to get that one finished. I've also got about three others going, and one I haven't started yet (you might like it) by Lawrence Kushner, called "Kabbalah: a Love Story." It's a novel.

Here's the amazon link: Kabbalah: a Love Story

Blurb:

Although Kabbalah has become one of today's pop-cultural buzzwords (yo, Madonna!), neither this mystical branch of Judaism nor its masterwork, the Zohar, a mystical commentary on the Torah, are well understood. In his first novel, Kushner bypasses the instructive tone used in his nonfiction and plunges into the heart of Kabbalah, opening up the topic so that stories about time, history, and love come swirling out. On one level, this is the story of Rabbi Kalman Stern, a failure, certainly, in love; deserted by his wife, he has not opened himself to a woman in 20 years. The most important thing in his life is a 1697 printing of the Zohar. A letter hidden inside the book, which offers startling insights into creation, heightens his search for meaning both in the outside world and in his own life, where an astronomer, Isabel Benveniste, is pecking at his shell. But Stern's is not the only story unfolding in this multileveled novel. A Kabbalastic scholar in thirteenth-century Spain meets an inspirational woman of intellect and beauty. A young man on a train to a concentration camp learns from an authority on the Zohar. Everything circles back on itself, paralleling the way the Zohar suggests the world is structured. As much meditation as mindbender, this is a book that one experiences rather than merely reads. Not everything works--the ending is predictable, bordering on hackneyed. But Lawrence poses many challenging questions, and the answers will be as individual as the readers. Ilene Cooper
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Book Description

Sometime, somewhere, someone is searching for answers…

…in a thirteenth-century castle
…on a train to a concentration camp
…in a New York city apartment

Hidden within the binding of an ancient text that has been passed down through the ages lies the answer to one of the heart’s eternal questions. When the text falls into the hands of Rabbi Kalman Stern, he has no idea that his lonely life of intellectual pursuits is about to change once he opens the book. Soon afterward, he meets astronomer Isabel Benveniste, a woman of science who stirs his soul as no woman has for many years. But Kalman has much to learn before he can unlock his heart and let true love into his life. The key lies in the mysterious document he finds inside the Zohar, the master text of the Kabbalah.

As you know (but the others may not) Kushner is a recognized scholar of Torah, not a pop-fluff type writer. That makes the book all the more intriguing, huh?


Lawrence Kushner titles

[InherJourney]

Thanks for the suggestion, Lil. It's a nice time of year to expand on spirituality. I haven't been into books as of late; my recent project has been re-doing a small office room off the kitchen, changing it into what I call "the healing room." I've painted it an uplifting goldeny-yellow and have brought in candles, incense, spa stuff, books etc. H has gotten into the act and added a small fountain and a heater resembling a mini fireplace. The end result is that the whole family, including the dog, piles into this tiny space, leaving the rest of the house empty! But when they're away, I have a place of my own to internalize some calmness. I think every women should have her own room...I should have thought of this years ago.

H and I had a nice weekend; the O issue is resolved for now...we'll see what develops next.