I've been thinking that I have been too focused on positive validation. I've self validated when I've had to, I've done 180's to receive more validation, set boundaries on bad behavior, and I've given H validation. All of this creates, eventually, the feel-good stuff of relationships--when mutual positive validation is high, it's like new love, and it feels great. It why we say " love is blind " during the infatuation stage...we only see the positives, we and we deny the negatives.
I think I have been trying too hard, at this point, to increase the positivity. Maybe I have to learn how to deal better with the negativity, not just try to erase it or problem-solve it away, because the yuck stuff is inevitable.
Problems will always arise. I want to improve upon my "positive negative validation," meaning, embracing/accepting of bad qualities within myself and within H. Just like regular positive validation, this would involve better accepting my own negative stuff ( self pnv), hoping to receive my H's pnv ( his acceptance of my negative stuff), as well as my giving pnv (by trying to accept/embrace my H's negative traits).
The old song my dad used to sing: Accentuate the positive, Eliminate the negative, Don't mess with Mr. In Between,
now becomes:
Validate the positive, Validate the negative, Mess with Mr. In Between,
or simply put, enjoy/embrace the the messiness of life!
