I think I have a strong need to be the fixer-rescuer-caregiver with a tendency to be overly responsible and guilt ridden. I think it's partly from a sense of goodness/altruism and partly as a way of being in control.
…. which in turn is a way to protect yourself. So these types of actions are all self centered, to me. I’m not meaning to attack or anything, just that goodness, altruism, and control are all reactions to a deeper issue.
My sensuality comes from another place entirely..being vulnerable and submissive. It's easy for me to get that kind of validation in the outside world, but in my H's eyes I am the dominant woman whom he's a bit afraid of.
What do you do if someone in the outside world rejects you? Do you keep seeing him/her, trying to make yourself better to somehow overcome that rejection? I doubt it. More likely you blow that person off and move on. Can’t really do that with family. They get to state their opinion and you have to listen, whether you like it or not.
It's hard to back up and reverse these dynamics...but it's been happening here and there, as H gets more mature and confident and I refrain from my mothering, rescuing ways.
This is a deflection. Whether you refrain from mothering and rescuing (i.e., controlling your reactions to your own fears) has nothing to do with his maturity and confidence.
