I think I have a strong need to be the fixer-rescuer-caregiver with a tendency to be overly responsible and guilt ridden. I think it's partly from a sense of goodness/altruism and partly as a way of being in control. My sensuality comes from another place entirely..being vulnerable and submissive. It's easy for me to get that kind of validation in the outside world, but in my H's eyes I am the dominant woman whom he's a bit afraid of. It's hard to back up and reverse these dynamics...but it's been happening here and there, as H gets more mature and confident and I refrain from my mothering, rescuing ways.
As far as my H not O'ing, yeah I take too much reponsibility for that, but the truth is the sex has been bland for me as well because I am trying not to rely on fantasy and just be lovey dovey. So over the weekend I took one of Mojo's suggestions to Lil and pretended to myself that I was a hooker ( but not the jolly type...instead I was the poor girl who had to earn a living this way) and revved up my passionate side, and it was omg fun! I remembered not to stay in fantasy and connect to H as a real person. I have decided there's nothing wrong with a little mind play as long as it's not blocking out relationship problems too much.
